


Remember Us

by bylersforever



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016), Stranger Things - Fandom
Genre: Byeler - Freeform, Jancy, Lumax, M/M, byler, elmike, madwise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:21:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 29,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22519180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bylersforever/pseuds/bylersforever
Summary: A story of Will and Mike realising there love for each other.1986 isn't the easiest for 16 year old Will Byers. After moving away from his home town he has struggled in making new friends. The only one he counts on is his step-sister El. Will missed the chance with a normal childhood and all he wants is it back but after the move he had to say goodbye to his friends: Dustin, Lucas, Max and Mike. Without them Will is struggling with his identity, he has no one to turn to. Will just wants to remember the time when things were easier.Mike now without his ex-girlfriend El and his friend Will is having trouble in Hawkins. He now has lost both of the people who meant the most to him. Though he has his other friends it isn't the same. He can't remember the last time he felt complete: was it with El or was it with Will? Mike continues to struggle with his identity and without the guidance from his friends he may never find acceptance.[Takes place after the events of season 3]
Relationships: Eleven | Jane Hopper & Mike Wheeler, Jonathan Byers & Joyce Byers & Will Byers & Eleven | Jane Hopper, Jonathan Byers & Will Byers, Mike Wheeler & Nancy Wheeler, Will Byers & Eleven | Jane & Dustin Henderson & Maxine Mayfield & Lucas Sinclair & Mike Wheeler, Will Byers & Maxine "Max" Mayfield, Will Byers/Mike Wheeler
Comments: 15
Kudos: 22





	1. Will

**Author's Note:**

> This is my fic transferred from wattpad over to here, i will be updating on both but from now on all my future fics are on here :)
> 
> Each chapter is from a different POV which will always go- Will and then Mike- this will never change!
> 
> See if you can spot the similarities in the names of each chapter ;)

Will. Come one Will, you can do this. It's not like the world will come crashing down it's just one action. Okay. Close your eyes and do it. Oh no...why is my whole body shaking? I shouldn't have to hide it anymore, I can't hide it anymore. The effort in hiding something that is a part of me is exhausting, I just have to let it out. I mean I am revealing something so personal to me, so it isn't totally unreasonable. Right enough! Just count to three...  
one,

two,

three!

"Woah Will that's amazing! I'm so proud of you!" 

"Thanks El, you really like it?"

She takes the paper from my hands and scans it, her smile increases as she lets out a little giggle. "Yes! I really like it!" she turns to me and her eyes direct to mine. I let out a sigh of relief, she begins to giggle even more and directs her attention back to the sheet of paper I gave her. Her light hazel hair cutting of a portion of her face and so she takes the strands of hair blocking her view, delicately pushing it behind her ear. I never noticed just how much El's hair had grown over the last year. We could never take her to get it cut and I guess we just assumed she'd prefer to grow it. Dead ends and straggly lines in her hair have resulted from it. It isn't bad. No, it's actually quite beautiful. Her highlights are enlightened by the shine of light peaking through my bedroom window. But her eyes stand out the most. Differentiating her from everything around. As she examines her way through my drawing I can't help but stare at them, her long eyelashes flickering in most seconds with the chocolate of her eyes determining the judgement. I wait patiently for her approval. 

I see her mouth close and her left eyebrow raise. "So... have you figured out who I drew?" I question. El is hesitant to give an answer, 

"El?"

She snaps out of the state she was in when looking at the picture and turns to me. I can see she is puzzled as she quickly looks right back at the paper again.  
"Um... well... I thought I knew but now I'm not so sure..." she starts to place her finger on the paper and I see her calculating something.

"Well why don't you just say it and see if you were right?" She gives a quick smirk.

"Um... give me a clue"

I can see now that she is completely confused and if she is right then this would ease her mind.  
"Okay" I begin "well... we are going to visit them next week for summer and-" before I can even finish she proclaims 

"Oh! So it is the party!" A smile beams across her face and her eyes widen. She turns to me and we both laugh, but then she reverts back to her confusion state and looks at the drawing of our friends. 

To break the awkward tension I ask "why didn't you think it was the party? I mean it was pretty obvious". Still no answer. 

I look off to the pictures on my wall, the ones I took with me from Hawkins. I wonder why she wouldn't of thought it was the party, I mean I always draw them the same and the evidence or clues are right there. I smile at the memories of which I drew these, knowing I'm seeing all of my friends next week. It's been so long since I've even seen them. Nearly six months. We visited them for christmas but it's different now. My family and I are settled. The thought of going back to Hawkins is daunting... considering who I'll see once I get there.

"Well I guess it's just..." El finally breaks the silence and so I look back at her. Her face tilts up to mine. "I was confused cause not everyone is there". What is she talking about?

"What do you mean El?"

"Well there is only five people in the picture..."  
Now I am silent... I couldn't have forgotten any of them. I mean it's impossible.

She returns the drawing to me and points her finger at the blank space. The space that is next to El on her right and I am on her left. 

"See? You forgot Mike"

I take the drawing from her hands and stare at the blank space. It couldn't really be true? How could I forget Mike? But as I scan across the party members one by one I get to the end and he isn't there. 

"Huh?" I say in a confused tone "I guess I did forget him"

"But how is that possible Will? You two are so close" The girl is staring at me for an answer but I can't give her it. I mean how could I? I didn't have an answer. This was the first drawing of mine I've given her, I have been putting it off for a long time. She kept asking me, as she is always watching he colour so intensively. I never show her anything though. Until I offered a deal: if I could get her Eggo's for one morning since there was only enough for one portion, I would in turn give her one of my drawings. She gave me her beloved snack in exchange I would show her one of the drawings I finished .Since that day I was trying to figure out which one to show her and I couldn't. All mine were just too personal and embarrassing. So, I worked on this drawing of the party up last night before I went to bed. Making sure nothing was embarrassing or wrong with it only for this to happen. 

I lower the paper from my vision, turn my back to El, so I can place the drawing on my desk.  
"I'm sorry El" I say discreetly, still looking at the incomplete drawing on my desk. "I promised you a finished drawing" I mean I might as well confess I drew this last night, nothing more embarrassing could happen.

"Will it's okay, I know you drew this last night"  
Oh she knew... wait what? She knew! I spin to look at her and she is trying to hold back her laughter. She grabs her mouth with her hand to hold it back. I see the blue ribbon tied to her wrist, she finally composed herself. 

"Will, I know you aren't ready to show me your real drawings. But I still wanted to see your talent! And it's amazing Will!" I am still in a state of shock. I examine her royal blue top and black shorts trying to focus on something else. 

"I know you'll show me when you are ready Will, but this does mean the deal is still ongoing!" She smiles at me and skips off out my room. My eyes follow her hair waving around as she prances out my door and I walk to my desk to sit on the chair.  
What just happened? That went from bad to really bad. But she is so sweet. El really is the perfect girl. Over the last few months we have grown really close, sibling close. While my mom has been helping her with reading, I had the idea to give El a different book every week and at the end to give her questions on it. She isn't allowed at a school so this was the best option to help her catch up. El has been so determined to get it right. Every book she reads she gets better every time, and though sometimes she comes to me or Jonathan for help, she always seems to work it out in the end. Considering everything she has been through, El is truly exceptional. Perfect. The kind of girl Mike deserves.

I feel tears clog my eyes and I open my drawer, taking out a light blue binder. Scrolling through the binder I revisit every drawing I've made since living here. All with Mike in mind to give to. He was always the person who asked for more drawings and so I would always give him more. When he put them up in his basement it meant so much and to see them not taken down after all these years, makes me so happy. I hope they are still up right now. I've lost count of every drawing I gave Mike but I know for a fact he wouldn't of thrown them away. Mike isn't like that. He's kind and caring. Especially to me. After I returned though he was lost without El, he still worked his hardest to get me to feel better. He's a good friend.  
I hear my mom's voice calling for me.  
"Will! Lunch is up, come get it while it's hot!"  
"I'm just coming!" I whisper back and so I repeat the same words while pushing the binder back in my drawer, running to my door. I can't wait to show Mike all the drawings I've done. I can't wait.


	2. Mike

"Okay, so does everyone have the Eggos, the new crayons, the comics, the-"

"Mike we have everything sorted! Stop worrying!" Max was right. I was panicking at the fact my favourite people were coming back and I wanted it to be perfect. Max flicked her long copper hair back, walking up to Lucas. She took his hand and dragged him into the next room. He seemed very confused as we exchanged glances at one another.   
I walk over to the mirror to fix myself up. I had to look presentable for them. My hair seems to cover my face but that's how I like it, Will's does the same. I wonder how much his has grown? If he has had a haircut yet... oh an El too. I have a blue striped shirt with my deep navy shorts on. That'll do. I'm not the biggest fashion nerd. Wait I'm not one at all. I suddenly hear the static of my walkie, it's Dustin.

"Mike, Mike? Are you there it's Dustin, over"

I run to the edge of my basement coach to hear my walkie. "Yes, what's the status, over"

"They have arrived, over"

They are here. They are finally here. I can't remember the last time I was with either of them. Yes you do Mike, the Christmas party. El had walked in with the most beautiful dress, it was a deep red. Her hair was pinned back and her curls were placed down to her shoulders. She just walked in, looking around till our eyes met and I just smiled when they did. I walked over to her and gave her a tight embrace. It felt right in the moment. 

"Mike" her soft speech echoed my ears and I began to blush.

"I missed you El, so much" I pull away and hold her hands. We look into each other's eyes and I feel my heart beating. 

"Well, I shouldn't keep you from everyone, we will catch up later" I see her smile fade a little when I say this but it quickly returns and she nods. She starts to skip away and I quickly ask her   
"El"  
"What is it Mike?" She turns to face me again, confused at what I just said.

"Um, where is Will?" I see her smile and she giggles.

"He is outside Mike" I smile back at her "he will be waiting to see you" she prances off and meets with Max giving her the biggest hug. They start helping decorating the Christmas tree, Lucas and Dustin join the fun not before I turn away to leave my house. 

I'm so excited to see them and so I answer Dustin back on the walkie saying 

"Perfect, they should be arriving soon then so hurry back Dustin and we will have everything ready in time, over and out" I turn off my walkie and put it back into place. I call Max and Lucas back downstairs but they aren't responding, "Max! Lucas! Come on assholes! I need your help!" Still no answer and there is trash everywhere. Guess I'll have to do it myself. I grab garbage bags from the basement cupboard and start loading all our food waste into it. We had been crashing here for like two days already so the food mess was uncanny. I make room for the party food and take the garbage bag out. I walk outside my house and a cold breeze hits me, sending shivers down my spine and it reminds me of that night. The night I saw Will again. 

I walk out the Christmas party hoping to meet Will right at the door but he isn't there. Walking further into the night, I feel the cold air hit my bones and then I see Will. He is sitting on the sidewalk, looking into the night. He seems sad. I see his chestnut cut and his rosy cheeks from the cold air. He is shivering but yet it doesn't look like it bothers him. A shiver runs down my spine while staring at him and just at that he turns around. Our eyes lock and he beams at me. Will gestures for me to come over and so I walk across to him, sitting by his side. I wonder why he is all alone and why he never came in to see us. So, I ask him "Will, what's wrong?" I see his head turn to the floor and silence. All I can hear is the distant music from the party and laughs from possible bystanders nearby. But not Will. He is silent. Lifting his head from the ground to the house ahead, I am certain I won't get an answer. 

I walk back inside to see Max and Lucas bolt downstairs. "Sorry Mike we uh- we uh— Max?" I see Lucas encouraging Max to give an answer but she is speechless and for once can't. 

"It's fine guys, I did it without you" Max rolls her eyes at my achievement. 

"Right okay Mike, but I bought the cakes remember?" We all laugh and continue setting up the decorations, hanging a banner across the ceiling. We weren't quite tall enough yet so me and Lucas balanced Max on our shoulders, much to her anger at that. Lining up streamers and welcome home presents, we soon hear Dustin arrive. I offer to go get him, "Oh, it's Dustin... I'll be right back guys!" but Max interrupts me. 

"No!"

I turn to her confused and as she tries to avoid eye contact with me she says "me and Lucas should go get him, stay here!" Lucas just nods and follows Max upstairs. I sigh in disbelief, they are probably off making out somewhere... I shouldn't really complain though. I have no room too after me and El last summer. I laugh to myself and sit on my cold basement sofa. It takes me back to that shivering sidewalk that winters night.

I could see the tears fill Will's cinnamon eyes and he darts his head in the opposite direction. I feel the urge to take his hand to comfort him but instead I ask again, "Will, what is going on?" I hear his sniffles and then his hand directs itself to his face. I can only stare at the back of his head in hopes he will turn around to meet me again.   
"Nothi- no- nothing i-is w-wro-ong" he stutters between his words, breaking them up and they are barley understandable. I can hear the crack in his voice and the sniffles between the words. He sounds broken. 

"Will" there is silence all around, I don't even hear the obnoxious Christmas music anymore only the sound of Will's cries. I want to help him so bad but I don't know what's wrong with him. I need him to tell me so I can make it better for him, or at least try to. "There is obviously something wrong... and you don't have to tell me now but Will I am your best friend, you can trust me with anything"  
"Not this" he answers. This time he doesn't stutter nor sniffle. He turns back towards me meeting my eyes once more. His face is engulfed in tears, his eyes red and puffy. No sooner than we lock eyes again he turns back to the house. "There is something very wrong with me and- I - can't tell you what it is" he wipes the tears from under his eyes and holds his mouth as to not cry.   
"Will, there is nothing wrong with you-"  
"You don't know that!" He snaps back now looking angrily at me. But then he just turns back to the house and I see streams of tears running down his face but this time he isn't sobbing, he is silent.   
"Will, you may not believe me but... I missed you the most" I see his eyes wonder back to me and he slowly turns back as I say, 

"I miss playing D&D with you and all the drawings you give me. I missed the fun nights binging different movies and stuffing our faces, the days we would ride bikes in the rain, play on the swings, hang at the star court mall, even solving mysteries." He smiles and it quickly fades, he turns back to the house ahead. 

"Will, you are my best friend. And I know whatever you think you've done is wrong, it isn't. You could never do anything wrong, you are too sweet for that" he begins to blush and giggles, in return I do so too and look away for a moment. I turn back to Will looking at me again, his tears seemed to have dried up and he just smiles at me. I instinctively wrap him in a hug, holding his head in my hands. 

"Thank you, Mike" I hear his soft spoken words and they run through my body like electric. We hold the hug in silence for what seems like forever. I can hear the sounds of the rustling leaves across the dry grass. The wind echos the sounds of squirrels and the air tastes of pine cones. I shut my eyes to embrace my surroundings and Will. His gentle hands are holding my back now as I hold his fragile body. I won't let him break. We pull away avoiding all eye contact and just lightly giggle at what just happened. Will pushes up and raises his hand to mine.

"Come on Wheeler! Let's crash this party" I take his hand and he helps me up. I watch him run back into the house and I just think about what just happened. Could this be my fault? For what I said to him last year? It's always stuck with me as my worst mistake that I've ever made. I shake out of it when Will calls my name again and I run back to my house to follow him in.

I feel a delicate tear fall down my face, I quickly catch it and wipe it away. Silly Byers, I thought.   
"Mike! Mike!" I hear Dustin's voice getting closer, he must be coming down to the basement. He is with Lucas and Max. "Mike they are literally here, they're coming Mike hurry let's hide!" Dustin's words are rushed but we understand the need to take cover. Lucas runs to switch the lights off and I hide behind the sofa. I wonder if Will still feels the same way as he did that night or if he's changed completely, if he has hopefully not too much. I love the way he is and I can't wait to see his face again. I hear the foot steps of the two teens and I feel my heart race, I can't wait. I can't wait.


	3. Going Home

I hurry to grab some last minute stuff for my case and I can't believe that by tomorrow we will be back in Hawkins. It hasn't really sunk in yet until I reached for the drawing I gave El the week before. The effort I have put in to try and add him to the picture has been substantial, I've tried everything, even drawing his figure on a separate page hoping to transfer it. But I just can't. Knowing that El would see it... I can't do it. She has been so excited about returning to Hawkins, I mean excluding me and Jonathan, El hasn't made any friends here for obvious reasons. It's still too dangerous for her especially with what happened last summer, she has a target on her back. Me and El both went shopping for new clothes to fit the Hawkins weather. Yeah you heard right. Me and El went shopping. Never thought we'd actually enjoy it, we ended up bailing half way through and got some ice cream instead. She got two scoops of strawberry and chocolate as she's determined to experience every flavour. I just got a plain vanilla with one scoop since we only had enough for one us to have two scoops. All the laughter we have shared over the last week has been great. We both are excited to revisit and even though it brought us trauma years, our friends are there. 

Screw it. I pick up the still unfinished drawing and put it in my binder. 

"Will! Are you coming or what?" I here Jonathan's voice from outside, he returned from college just a few days ago. I'm sure he is really excited to see Nancy. 

"Coming!" I take my binder and as I walk out my bedroom door I stop and look back. 

"Wait Jonathan I need to get something I'll be right out!" I dart across my bed almost tripping over to grab the walkie in my bedside table. We haven't been able to use it since we all live so far away but I'm going to need it for going back. I pick it up while stumbling back onto my feet and lead myself out the room. 

I walk outside to see Jonathan at the wheel of the car, my mom is still inside locking things up and I see El leaning against the side door of the car. Her hair is tied back in a peach scrunchie and she is dressed in what looks to be a very comfy pink jumper with grey shorts on. She is wearing striped red and orange socks paired with white trainers. Her face trips her and she stares off into the distance. Once she turns to see me, her face lights up.

"Will come on!" El gestures for me to come over and I do, not without a little giggle. I walk up next to her and lean on the car too, be both sigh in time with another and because of this be both start to laugh. I try to ease the inevitable silence and ask her,

"So are you excited about seeing everyone?"

"Yeah of course!" Her face lights up and she turns to me, "I'm so excited to go shopping with Max again! And to joke around with Lucas and oh... Dustin too! He is always really funny!" I then see her begin to blush and she has a sweet smile on her face, "and Mike". I then begin to smile and I feel my face go red, so I turn from her to compose myself but she continues, "I really miss him... I hope he has missed me too"

"Same" I blurt out not even thinking and now my face is really vibrant now. "Wait- u-um no I-I me-ean" I put my hand on the side of my face so she can't see me blush. "I'm hoping that everyone missed us too I mean" 

"Oh- okay then. I understand that" 

I reveal myself back to her and I'm not even sure I've stopped blushing yet. That was super embarrassing... I don't even know why I was so nervous. Mike will be missing El so much and once they reunite I'm sure they'll get back together no problem. They really are perfect for each other and so they'll spend every second together once we get back. Mike won't be missing me. I know. It hurts but El is the one he loves, there will be no time for us to catch up in D&D and the new friends we have made. I'm sure we will talk but not as much as he will talk to El. Don't get me wrong I am so happy to see Max, Dustin and Lucas but I know they'll make an effort, not Mike. At least not anymore after Christmas. After my breakdown in front of him. 

I see my mom exit the house and she cheers "We are all set kids! Let's get moving!" And so we all get in our allocated seats, me and El are next to each other and my mom is in the passenger seat. At some point during the journey about an hour in El fell asleep on my shoulder. I couldn't sleep cause of all of the things running through my mind. My mom and Jonathan are talking about Jonathan's school. I only know this not because I'm listening in but because every few minutes my mom will ask my opinion on the topics they discuss. Every time I'm confused to what they are talking about and it's obvious to them that I am very distracted. Jonathan raises the question to me "Will wanna play a game?" 

I am apprehensive at first because though I have very little knowledge as to their previous topic to me this seemed out of nowhere. I turn to look at him in the drivers seat. "Um... why?" 

"Well you look a bit out of it so I thought a fun game might snap you out of your world for a second" he says back to me. 

Jonathan knows that when I don't talk to anyone, it is for a reason. I wanted to feel alone in my head for these next few hours, thinking about what to say to everyone especially Mike. My mom chimes in to ease me "Will, you don't have to sweetie but if it's any consolation you get to ask Jonathan first" me and my mom laugh as Jonathan is in a state of discomfort. So, I say " yes let's do it then" 

"So, Jonathan" I ask in a slow pace as to make his skin crawl with what I'm going to ask. "Are you and Nancy a couple? As in is she your girlfriend" I see Jonathan begin to blush at what I just said and at this point neither me nor my mom need an answer, because we know. 

"Fine then yes we are!" Me and my mom begin teasing him at his confession and now it's my moms turn to ask me a question. 

"Will Byers... what are you most excited to do when we get to Hawkins" 

I don't hesitate to answer and say "definitely to play D&D with the party again" my mom and Jonathan look at each other and laugh. I know it's stupid but I've been waiting a long time to play with them all again.

We got through many questions and revelations for nearly an hour. I haven't had this much close time with my family in a really long time. It feels great.

Until Jonathan has to ask me a question. 

"Well, well, well..." I suddenly feel the hair on the back of neck rise. What will he say?   
"I have been wanting to ask you this question for a while..." oh no what is he going to ask? 

"Just say it Jonathan!" I say a bit too loudly and I realise that I could've woken El up. I look down to my shoulder and she seems to be still asleep. 

Thank god I never woke her up.

"Okay okay Will" Jonathan says and he takes a deep breath. "Who are you most excited to see once we get back?" Oh no. What can I say without telling the truth. I feel my cheeks light up and I turn away and look at the window again. "Well- um I'm not sure" but I am, I know that I am most excited to see...

"Mike" Jonathan says with absolute confidence.

"No-um it's it-it's" my mom turns towards me and just laughs. Jonathan is just smiling whilst his eyes are on the road. 

"It's okay Will, he's your best friend of course you miss him the most" my mom says trying to comfort me in my embarrassment. 

"Well Will? Am I wrong?" Jonathan says while letting out a little grin. 

"No you are right" I say in a really low volume to the point I'm not sure they heard. El then is awake and listening to the whole conversation. My worst nightmare but she eases my mind and says "don't worry Will, I miss him too" I turn to her resting on my shoulder and smile. I then close my eyes and drift off until the journey is over. I can't wait to see everyone, I can't wait.


	4. Welcome Home

The foot steps are in time with my heart beat and I can't wait to see them again. I look down at my hands and see them shake in excitement. Thinking that I will see Will and El again is terrifying because I don't know what to say to them once I do. I guess I've been naive in thinking this would be easy. That just having them show up would make me know in that moment how I feel. But now all I can think about is the constant, underlying menace that I will have to choose between them. I can't hang out with both of them this summer and sure we will all hang out as a group but I mean alone one and one time. On one hand I think I love El and so I want a chance to reconnect with her, maybe even get back what we once had. But then there is Will, and I know he has been having such a hard time with whatever has been going on. I want to know if he is doing ok considering the last time I had a private chat with him he broke down. What did he mean when he said "There is something wrong with me" ? I guess that's the biggest question I have for him. You know what, I will wait until I see them both and then decide what to do because there is no point in worrying about something that hasn't even happened yet. Or maybe I'm still trying to put things off. I peak up to see white shoes walking down my stairs, me and the others peak over to each other and nod. We jump up, Lucas turns back on the lights and we scream "WELCOME HOME!" I see both Will and El's face light up in excitement. I walk over to El to welcome her back. She has changed so much; her hair is longer, she has a new rockin' sense of style and she has this glow about her I can't seem to make out. I squeeze her in a hug and just say "it's great to see you back home". She pulls away and smiles at me, not saying anything back. Eleven then walks to Max and spins her in a hug. I just watch in confusion, what did I do wrong? She didn't say 'thank you 'or 'it's good to be home' or anything. I scratch my head and look on my right to see Will getting group hugged by both Dustin and Lucas. So, I walk over to them and see Will.   
"Hi, Byers... welcome home" I say trying to distract myself with other objects in the room. I see Dustin and Lucas slowly move away to leave us alone. There is pause and for that eternity I kept thinking about every little change I could've made to make them feel welcome but instead I did the opposite.  
"Is that all you have to say?" Will said in a straight tone. I can tell he is hurt that I never came to him first but I had to see Eleven! If I didn't I would've made her mad, but instead I have made them both annoyed or sad or I don't know...

"Yes no-o I just um-" I stutter over all my words and so I turn to lock eyes at Will. He still has his chestnut hair and he looks so grown up. I see him staring back at me and we just smile at one another. "Missed you too Wheeler" and he comes towards me, embracing me in a hug. Once he tries to pull away, I don't let go and so he doesn't either. I whisper to him "we will talk later okay? Just you and me" we both then pull away and he gives a smirk asking

"why?"before I can answer Max interrupts me by running and giving Will a hug. 

"Welcome home Will!" Her long amber hair is waving as she runs. She grabs Will almost pushing him over and we all laugh. 

"Right everyone!" Lucas says standing on my basement sofa. He clasps his hands together and then directs gestures to everyone. We are listening in and I feel Eleven coming up beside me. I turn to her and she looks back with a small smile that quickly fades. 

"So everyone! As you can see we have this whole party set up for yous but frankly it is pretty shit... no offence Mike" 

"Hey!" I shout and Max, Dustin and Will turn and laugh at me.

"Well I was thinking we could all go on a bike ride like old times, maybe even go to the arcade?"

"Yeah and all you losers will be at the mercy of my countless high scores" Max adds in

"Don't know about that Max, I have been practicing" Will comments 

"Oh really well-"

"Anyways!" Lucas interrupts them. "It is really up to El and Will what they want to do" 

"But I don't have a bike" Eleven says, she has an upset crack in her voice.

"You can ride with me El" Will turns to Eleven smiling at her. I finally see Eleven begin to beam and I wonder why couldn't of I made that impact on her. But of course Will could, he is just like that. He has a sincerity, kindness and innocence about him that we love. Though a part of me hoped I could steal Will for some alone time, I know that Eleven may feel lost or uncomfortable and Will is probably the only one to help her out her comfort zone.

"Sure Will" she answers grabbing his arm, I look over and glare at them. Jealousy hits me like a ton of bricks and I'm standing there in silence, waiting for Lucas to continue his words of wisdom.

We head over to the arcade and after lagging behind everyone on the pathway I realise I need to talk to Eleven I'm private. Something is wrong. We all get off and as everyone runs in I whisper to Eleven and ask her for a chat. She turns to me and her big brown eyes stare into my soul, she just nods, no smile,nothing and she walks with we to sit on the sidewalk. 

We are both staring at the arcade door, peaking at our friends who are having fun inside. I see Max on Dig Dug. Obviously. Lucas is beside her rooting her on and I see Dustin getting distressed. I can tell Max has probably beaten his score again. Damn. Well it was a good day while it lasted. But who I don't see is Will, he could be playing something else but I don't see why he wouldn't stay with the group.

"Mike" Eleven finally says and so I turn towards her. She still hasn't looked back at me but I can tell she is in anguish. 

"Just say what it is" I mumble, not even meaning to say it but I want her honesty.   
"Well... it's just" I see her begin to giggle. I've missed it honestly. But there is something underneath her giggle that brings me to another awkward moment. 

"It's just. When you surprised us at the party" she stops abruptly and so I lead her on with   
"Yes..." 

"It's just, I thought you'd look at me but you weren't" I am confused at this point. What is she talking about? I can't remember what I was doing in that moment as I was just blinded my Lucas turning on the basement lights too fast.

"What do you mean Eleven?" I quickly ask her.

"See there you are! Why are you calling me Eleven all of a sudden, when you always call me El?" She is right, and I hear her upset tone and it hurts me to admit that she is right. I've been different with her and I honestly don't know why. 

"I was upset because you were looking at Will and not me okay?" She turns to me and her eyes growl at my face. I look to the arcade to see Will looking at us from the window, he quickly turns away after I saw him and I'm sure Eleven saw him too. I feel my face burning up, Eleven was right. I wasn't looking at her, I was looking at Will but why was I looking at him? 

"I- um- don't know... I"

"It doesn't matter Mike, I dumped your ass anyway" Eleven struts up and heads back towards the arcade. She flings the door open with her powers and I see Max run after her.  
I chuck the stone next to me to my right. Lucas comes out of the arcade and heads to towards me, I immediately start to walk off as he comes after me. 

"Mike! Mike wait!" 

"No, leave me Lucas!" I hear his footsteps increase and he grabs my arm to pull me from walking away. 

"Mike... just wait" his voice drops once he sees my face. I look up to him with tears streaming down my face and I can't breathe. 

"What the hell is going on?" 

"Eleven- Will- Me- I don't even know Lucas I-" I turn my head from him. 

"Look Mike, I don't judge whatever you are going through... I may not understand how you feel but I'm always here... look we both have girl troubles, we aren't so different you know" he begins to laugh but I am silent. 

We aren't the same. He doesn't know what I'm going through, hell I don't even know what I'm going through. Both of us took a walk down the Main Street to get away from the blinding arcade. Passing all the shops the air is filled with a fresh bake-like smell. Like a cake just exiting the oven. I see kids just like us riding there bikes a long the lane, two boys up front... what good times.   
"Have you calmed down a bit now?" Lucas stops me in my thoughts.

"I mean... I guess I've just been a little out of it"  
"No shit- I mean... you haven't been the same since El moved away" I stop my pace and look back over to where the boys were riding their bikes. They are gone.

"Mike?"

"You still there?"

"Mike?" I'm registering every word he says but I can't answer or listen or anything. My heart sinks.

"It's not El" I whisper

"Really? I could've sworn that's who you got annoyed at"

"Well yeah but- it's not her... I-it's w-what she... said t-that um..." scratching my head I'm trying to find the words to comprehend what I'm feeling inside.

"It's Will isn't it?" And I just turn to him and nod. Looking down at the ground as we continue to walk, he hums a tune I'm not remembering at all. It settles with me okay though. I start smiling at the memories rushing through my brain. Of all of us. Before Eleven even came into the picture. Me, Dustin, Lucas and... Will. I miss those times, it was simpler then. Before emotions or relationships got in the way.

"You're right"

"Huh?" Lucas turns towards me "oh we still talking about THAT" 

"Yeah!" We both laugh at his stupidity and start to head back to the others.

I see the arcade and we aren't far from it now. "Hey Lucas" he turns to me before I can continue. "Thank you... for just letting me walk without talking about ... well .... anything" we nervously giggle.

"It's fine Mike, and when you're ready to talk about your feelings. I'll be here, just know that." He walks back off to the arcade and swings the door open.

"Come on Mike! We are waiting to kick your ass!" 

"Oh it's on Sinclair!" I run up to the open door, slamming it shut behind me.


	5. Journey to the Past

I see El storm away from Mike and I watch as Max goes after her. Confused to what's just happened I see Lucas run after Mike and I see it's a moment I have to leave him alone. They both saw me watching them talk from the window and so it's obviously my fault to what's just happened... right? 

I sit outside the girls bathroom, waiting for El and Max to come out so I can ask El what just happened. I found an old poster and three crayons. So I'm just sitting doodling on the back of the poster feeling absolute boredom after Dustin went off to find Mike and Lucas. I hear the creek of the bathroom door open and see Max exit.   
"Is she okay?" I say softly as to not alarm the rest of the kids in the arcade.

"She's um... good?" I hear an interruption in Max's voice as footsteps can be heard coming up behind her. 

"I couldn't get much out of her, but maybe you can... wait where is Dustin?"

"He went to find Mik- I mean Lucas" 

"Oh okay... well, I will go find him." She paces off out the door, looking back giving me a supportive nod. I turn to see El slowly making her way out of the door, she pulls her hair back and sits beside me. 

"Hi" she whispers and a sigh creeps out her mouth. 

"You okay?" She pushes her hair back again and looks to her hands as she is fiddling with her blue wristband. 

"I need to ask you something Will... and you have to be honest because friends don't lie"

"Anything" 

El shifts her whole body towards me and stares me right in the eyes. 

"Do you think Mike still loves me?"   
I feel my heart beat stop and the crashing arcade games flood through my head. Of course Mike loves El.

"Because I don't think he loves me anymore"  
What is she talking about? Mike is obviously in love with El; when she left he was distraught, when they broke up he did everything to get back with her and she is probably the person he missed the most. If only El could see that he does care and love her. 

"Well El, I-I..." sighing I compose myself "I can't speak for Mike but looking at what he has done for you shows how much he cares about you"

"That's it Will... everything he has done for me hasn't been just for me. Like yes he was sad when I left the first time but he was like that when you vanished when we first met" 

She has a point and I can feel my stomach turn with my cheeks going very red. I crept a small grin on my face before wiping it off fast. I didn't want her to think that I was happy that Mike could possibly not love her . But it's absurd to think he didn't love El. She was the perfect girl. Any boy would want her. Not me though, I never looked at her that way or really any girl. Yet...

"You have a point but neither of us know what is going on in Mike's brain so-"

"And the worst part is, that when I walked down the stairs I expected to see him looking at me but he wasn't he was looking at you" I gasp and almost choke on my on saliva. He was what? I'm sorry El but can you repeat that... cause I am... what?

"Wait what?"

"Yeah Will, I am as surprised as you"   
Just as she says that Max and Dustin come barging back through the arcade door. I can't even look at them. I just watch as El runs over to Max and Dustin, giving them a hug and running off to play another game. Looking at my drawing I see nothing of worth anymore. This is all my fault. I hurt El. I ruined Mike and El's bond because of me and my stupid mouth on that Christmas night. I just pick up a crayon, not caring what colour it is and just start colouring every inch of the page.

After doing this for at least twenty minutes, I see trainers in my peripheral vision when looking down at my drawing. I look up to see Mike staring down at me. Immediately I turn back to my drawing after seeing his face but he takes the crayon and paper out my hands to sit down beside me. I hear his sigh when sitting next to me. We can hear the giggles of the girls playing on Dig Dug and Lucas furiously calling everything fixed. I laugh to myself at this event.

"What are you laughing at Byers?"   
I suddenly notice him staring at me, which results in me jumping a bit. Mike smiles before pulling his eye contact away from me and onto the girls.

"No-nothing Mike" I cross my arms and slide back into my chair whilst staring off to the other side of the room. 

"I missed seeing you laugh"  
I feel my whole face burst like a rash. I chuckle to myself while also trying not to let Mike see me smile at what he said. 

"You just going to leave me hanging Byers?"   
I finally turn to Mike and we both giggle to ourselves at our stupidity. I've missed him a lot and after what happened between him and El, I'm glad I can put a smile on his face. 

"Hey... Byers?" 

"Yeah?" He fidgets with his hands and I can see he is struggling to speak.

"Um... well... what exactly did you see outside?"

"Well I- um... nothing really... I was only uh- looking for a-a few sec-conds so- nothing really at all... really" I revert my eye contact from him because I didn't want Mike to see my face build up in redness once again. It was embarrassing to admit that I was wanting to see what happened between them. That I wasn't looking for a few seconds but for the whole time they were out. No one saw me other than them though; Max was too busy on Dig Dug and Lucas and Dustin were trying to distract her so they could get the top score. I wasn't interested in this war for the top score anymore and so I snuck away to watch Mike at the window. To see him talk to El or rather to see them fight. When things got heated I couldn't help but wonder what they were both so upset about and I want to ask Mike but I'm afraid that if I do he will know I was watching for a long time. When they both turned and saw me peeking at their conversation I was so embarrassed and turned away fast. They saw me, but I was hoping he wouldn't bring it up. Led to Lucas chasing after Mike and El storming into the toilets. Maybe it was my fault that they broke apart but I can't go assuming. They've always been so strong why would it be my fault that they would fall apart? I hope that it wasn't, the guilt would consume me. I couldn't do that to El, not after the year we have had. Not to Mike either, never to Mike.

"Well okay" Mike responds. It didn't sound convincing and he may know I am lying but I can't think about that right now. The room falls yet again into silence and I feel a chill go down my spine. The music of the arcade is ringing through my ears to the point that it starts to hurt. I feel something touch my back and I respond by flinching at the touch.

"Byers it's just me..." it's Mike rubbing my back, he must of seen me shiver.

"Are you okay?" Mike seemed genuinely concerned, just like he used to. I remember when he used to care for me like this. He would come to my house everyday after I got back from the upside down. We would sit and play all day. Whether it was d&d or Mike creating stories and I illustrating everything he recited to me. I remember we wrote a story about a wizard who saved his friends from a threat. Though I knew Mike only wrote that to make me feel better and not feel like a freak or weak. He really cares then. But when El came back that just disappeared. 

I turn to Mike and I whisper as to not let the other participants know.  
"No I'm not the noise is a bit much, Mike"  
Mike stands up and pulls he up also. 

"Well then let's get you out of here"   
I am confused by this as Mike still hasn't gone to speak to El and now he wanted to leave with me?  
"Wai-t wha-at?" I feel my voice break between and because of this my cheeks start to swell up but Mike doesn't acknowledge my accident.

"Let's get out of here Byers" Mike smiles at me as he walks away. I watch him go towards the door to see if he turned around to play a joke on me but instead he doesn't, in fact he stops at the door because I am not there and looks back to me.  
"What are you waiting for Will?" This shakes me awake and I start following him outside. We get on our bikes and just ride, feels good to do this again, I just wonder where he will take me?


	6. Don't Leave Me in your Past

The ride down this long street seems to go on forever, I am speeding up and slowing down to see if Will can keep up. He tries every time too and bites his lip so he can catch up with me. I've missed the simpler times like this. The points in our childhood where we just ride our bikes all around Hawkins. Just us. No one else... because that's how we wanted it. Will's hair falls all over his face as he rides and every time he pushes it away I giggle a bit.

"What?" Will says half already in laughter like me.

"Nothing at all Will" I say slyly and turn back to the pathway ahead. "Nothing at all"

"Shut up Mike!" We both start laughing and the direction seems longer than it was before.

"Okay Mike seriously where are we going?"

"You'll see Will... you'll see" I start speeding up and we go down a familiar root. I'm sure Will now knows where we are going and I hope this doesn't trigger any bad memories.

We drop our bikes off at the edge of the wood and as I start to walk into the woods I notice Will not standing by my side. I look back to see him looking worried, he's clawing his wrist and I see his face plummet in tone. I've seen this before, we all have. It kept happening after Will was rescued from the upside down. Any small detail could trigger his bad memories, I didn't want to do that and now I think I've done it.

"Will!" I shout over to him "are you okay?"

He looks back at me with his big brown eyes and it looks like he will break any moment but he walks up to me anyway.

"Yeah, let's do it" he forces a smile and walks ahead of me and so I walk just a bit behind him. I don't want to crowd him or force him into something he doesn't want. So, the whole journey I let him lead the way.

After the walk through the wood I see the sun begin to set, knowing how long we've been out for I am not surprised but the others may be worried that we just ran off. I stop for a moment to glance at the sun, the colours are broken into purple, yellow, orange and red. It's like a wash of colour hit the stars and it reminds me of how I feel whenever Will gives me a drawing. I'm fixated on the colours and Will notices this and stops also.

"Mike what are you doing?" His words are soft but I can't take my eyes off the sun. I feel his hand touch my shoulder and I turn to look at him and smile. 

"We've been out for so long now Will and the others are probably worried, are you sure you want to go all the way?" He looks down with a pout on his face. 

"Yes, we have come this far haven't we?" He smiles before continuing to walk in the direction of his safe haven. He truly is so brave. That something I've always admired about Will. He's not afraid to risk everything. So, I go and follow after him.

As the sky continues to fall into darkness we see the remains of the place Will loved. He stops when realising everything was still there. The last time he was here it seems was when I was here too. I let him walk up to it himself. Castle Byers. Or what's left of it. He traces his hands down the side of the rotting branches. Everything out here seems so lifeless, it's like no one has been out here for a long time. Will walks inside and I am apprehensive to let him do this alone so I follow his footsteps and walk in leaning at the entrance. Will is sitting tracing his fingers up and down the walls of his soft place to land. He turns to me and I smile at him but he doesn't smile back.

"Why'd your bring me here Mike?" My smile drops as I see him turn to face the ground. I slowly walk up and sit beside him. It's cold even though it's summer and I see him shivering but I'm afraid if I try to help that he will be even more offended. 

"I-I um..." I take a breath before what I am about to say because I'm scared about how he will react. "I- I um wanted to talk- to talk about what happened last year" I see Will's face drop and I know I've triggered something in him.

"What? About our fight and when I destroyed this place?"

"No no no Will I'm talking about the other time you were upset" I see his confused look at me.

"What other time? I don't understand Mike?"

"You know it was cold and we were sitting and there was um... umm... lights and you came home and... uhhh... um... I hugged you... or something like that" I chuckle a bit at the end as to not alarm what I just said but Will just turns away from me.

"Oh" he says sighing and ignoring my simple attempt to lighten things up. He's obviously still upset about our fight last summer but that was a year ago. How could he still be affected? I still need answers about Christmas time and so I begin my questioning.

"What did you mean when you said there was something wrong with you?" I see no reaction in Will's eyes.

"I- I um don't know Mike it was a long time ago and I can't really remember why I even said-" he turns to face me but he quickly looks away again. I see a tear silently stream down his face and I have to urge to wipe it away, and to grab him to tell him "It's going to be okay" but it doesn't work like that.

"Will" I say softly as to not alarm him "I know you remember what you said... because I couldn't stop thinking about that night... how upset you were and how you were clinging to me... how you needed me again... how I realise I needed you too after all these months of us being apart... I missed you and that made me realise that because when you left just a few days later... I couldn't get those few short moments out my mind... maybe I'm going crazy but we said we'd go crazy together right? So... will you tell me what's going on because... it's always been the two of us and no one else... that's no different tonight... there is no exceptions... just... just talk to me Will..." I see a smile creek on his face and more tears begin to stream. This time I turn his face towards mine and wipe them away. He's shocked when I do this and can't take his eyes off of me as I do it. But once I'm done he just smiles and we both revert awkwardly away at each other.

"Mike"

"Yes Will" I look back at him as he speaks.

"You're right... I-I do remember that night but I just didn't want you to remember it"

"Why Will?"

"Because it was painful enough in the embarrassment I projected onto myself... I didn't want you to remember how I threw myself at my friends boyfriend"

"Ex-boyfriend actually"

"It's all the same though... whether you are together or not you still care for her? You never give anyone else a chance because that's the person you want... the person you wake up everyday for... they are your meaning of life or at least what drives you to live it"

"Woah... Will I-" he stands up and starts to walk out and I try to grab his hand to pull him back before he does but he pushes me away. I chase after him almost banging my head on the entrance of Castle Byers.

Will is just standing still. Not moving a muscle and I see his hands shaking. I walk up behind him and I reach my hand out before stopping myself. "Will I- I-" I take my hand back from reaching for him. 

"Will I'm sorry... I shouldn't of brought it up... you aren't ready to talk about how you feel and that's okay... I jus-t.. I uh... just wanted... to um... let... you know... no understand... that I- um I" I jumble all my words up and Will turns around to look at me. 

"I know that... if you knew... what I know... that you... um- wouldn't feel this bad or... what's the word... confused!... like me or upset... or... or... lonely" I look up to him to see him smiling back at me and I smile back. Our eyes lock and I start to move forward and to my surprise so does Will. We get closer and closer. Are noses touch and I feel his breath on my lips. I close my eyes and let it happen.

  
**_Bang_ **

  
We hear a loud noise from somewhere around us which pulls us apart. We both scan the area around us before realising whatever it was is long gone by now. We both look at each other and start awkwardly giggling whilst trying to avoid eye contact.

"Okay we really must go now" Will says grinning back at me.

"Yeah I think so too" and so we start to head back towards where we left our bikes. There is is silence for the rest of the journey. But it's not awkward, it's sweet. Whenever I get the chance I look at Will and just smile to myself. Could this really be what I'm looking for? Maybe this is what I'm missing... or rather who I'm missing. We get to our bikes and ride off together but before departing we look at each other and smile. Will rides off in the distance and I just think. What would've happened if we weren't interrupted? It doesn't matter. This changes everything.


	7. I Don't Wanna Talk

I wake to see the curtains of mine and El's shared room creaking slightly open, it seems that my mom has come in and tried to wake me but all I wanted to do was dream. Especially after what happened last night. I don't know if I was imagining it all or if I blacked out after seeing Castle Byers and made it up in my head. Though it felt so real, so raw and so right? I don't understand what happened between me and Mike but I can't lie that I enjoyed it. Whatever was going to happen between us, it didn't but I'm wondering and thinking if there wasn't a bang... what would've happen?

I squint my eyes and look back to my pillow, wrapping my arms around it. When suddenly I hear the door swing open and El walking through.

"Will? are you really asleep now?" El says this in a soft tone as she tries not to disturb me... too bad she already did.

"Um.. yeah. El I mean that- never mind I'll get up now"

"Okay! good cause your mom has Eggos!" I hear the spirit in her voice rise and she tip toes out the room but leaving the door slightly ajar. I force myself up out of the comfort of my bed and rub my eyes, still looking at the slight light peaking through the curtains. It reminds me of the sunset last night... how Mike stopped to stare at it and I stopped to stare at him. His face lit up like I've never seen before. Not even with Eleven. It was a truly magical moment that I will never forget. The way the sun reflected off his hair enlightening the raven undertones to it, and magnifying his freckles. He and his crooked smile watched as the sun set over the town of Hawkins and I couldn't help but smile back. He isn't afraid to show me that part of himself, the part he hides from everyone else because he finds it embarrassing. But I find it magnificent. He appreciates the beauty of life, the smaller moments that you never want to miss, that's what makes him such a good writer.

I stumble to my feet and wave the fringe of hair from my eyes. I dot through to the kitchen where I see my mom and Jonathan sitting at the table eating their Eggos, but I don't see El.

"Mom?" she turns to me with a smile on her face.

"What is it Will? Do you want some?" she offers me a plate and a place to sit by her.

"No thank you mom but um..." I scan the room once more to see if I have missed anything. "Where is El?"

"Oh um... she took a phone call, I don't know who it was but after she went for some fresh air. Maybe you should go check on her?" I nod and proceed to walk out the door of the cabin my mom rented out for us to stay in. She is sitting on the sidewalk playing with her blue wristband. I walk slowly behind her trying not to alarm her.

"El?" she turns around and smiles.

"Hey! Come sit!" she points to the spot next to her and so I walk to be by her side.

"Why are you out here?" I ask

"Mike called"

"Oh" there is an awkward pause between us, what if Mike told her what happened with us?

"He said that he was coming over to say sorry for yesterday"El seems quite down when saying this, I can tell she is still hurt over their argument. Which makes me feel guilty, it was my fault he treated her like that, I am sure of it. Otherwise why would he say all that stuff to me.

"You know you don't have to talk to him" El turns to me with a confused expression plastered across her face.

"But he already said he was coming over"

"You could always just say you are too busy eating your Eggos?" we both start laughing as we know that this is a valid excuse El would use.

"Woah Will maybe you are right!" she shoots up and heads towards the cabin. "Oh tell Mike I'll see if I am ready to talk later" she runs back inside after her Eggos... wait.

"Wait what do you mean tell him?" I'm too late as El cannot hear me anymore, I stand up to get glimpse at how far she has gone inside when I hear someone approach.

"Will?" I turn to see Mike holding his bike with an expression I can only describe as pure shock. I start to blush and I smile at him.

"Where's Eleven?"

"She said maybe she'll see if she's ready to talk later" I see his face fall into disappointment. Maybe he really didn't try to kiss me last night? Maybe it was just a misunderstanding? He loves El and that's obvious to anyone.

"Oh well.. I only came here to see you anyway... I just didn't think you'd want me to come round" I feel the rash of red covering my face once more and I giggle a bit to myself. Me? He came all this way to see me?

"Well- I um..." we both slightly giggle and avoid all eye contact, Mike rubs the back of his neck before continuing.

"Oh um where can I put this?" he points to his bike.

"Oh just put it over there," I direct Mike to a safe spot where he can place his bike and we head inside to my room. I thought that it would be awkward if he was to come into the kitchen where El was, considering she doesn't want to see him.

We walk in and I see Mike looking around at already the drawings across my walls, though this isn't my house I wanted it to feel at home and Mike smiles at that. He then sees a picture of me and a friend of mine stuck to the wardrobe. Mike walks over and points to the boy who has his arm around me.

"Wow" there is a break in Mike's voice "who's that?" I walk over to see it is a picture of me and my friend Stephan from my new school. He's all wrapped in his leather jacket, posing as he usually does; without smiling. He was the only one to show up to my art display, other than my family.

"That's um... a friend" Mike turns towards with one eyebrow raised.

"Oh is that right _just_ a friend huh?" I nervously laugh at this.

"Yeah, just friends" I wasn't lying, that's all we are. Stephan has been there for me like you wouldn't think a boy like him would be. He is the classic bad boy, heart breaker but he seems to have a soft spot for me and my stupid drawings. It has been like this since I joined the school.

Mike wanders off and sits on my bed, which still has not been made. Though the silence is apparent, I lure myself to go sit beside him. We are trying not to look at one another and try distracting ourselves with little objects around us. I don't know about Mike but I was counting the paint strokes I could clearly see around the room.

"Will" Mike breaks the silence alluding us.

"Yes- Yeah"

"We can't ignore what happened yesterday... it's why I'm here" I stay silent as I am unsure what to say to him. What do I say? "Mike you are my best friend, a boy, in a relationship and I wanted to kiss you!" I would never say that.

"There is nothing to say Mike."I am trying to avoid all contact with him.

"Okay..." he says this and I can hear the hurt in his voice, but I can't express how I feel can I? When I don't even know how I feel.

"Will you at least tell me about this _Stephan_ guy?" he mimics one of the many poses Steve does and pushes his hair back into a mullet, all I do is burst into laughter once I see this. Mike starts laughing also and tries to push my hair back to a mullet too, putting his hand under my chin.

"Yes. Now you look like Stephan"

"Oh shut up Mike!" I push his hand off me and we start laughing once more.

"Seriously though, is he a good friend to you?"

"I mean yeah... he never really says that we are _friends_ but he checks up on me a lot in school since I am usually alone. He comes to my art shows and sometimes sits for lunch with me outside." Mike forces a smile on his face as I tell him this.

"He sounds really supportive"

"I mean he is. Even though he is popular, and even though he hears the rumors about the strange boy from Hawkins. He still attempts to understand me..."

"Rumors? What do you mean Will?" He turns to me.

"Well you know... it was the same here as there. News spreads fast and so do rumors too"

"Will I-" just as Mike leans towards me, El opens the door. This breaks Mike's trace of thought and he turns to the entrance.

"Mike? I will talk now" she leans on the frame and pulls her hair down.

"I- um sure yeah, I will be out in a minute" El walks off. Mike gets up to follow her but stops before he exits my room. He looks back, as if he were to say something but instead our eyes meet and he just walks out. Leaving me alone again.


	8. Talk to Me

Eleven leads me from the comfort of Will's room into the kitchen, no one else is around which makes me believe Eleven kicked both Joyce and Jonathan out to talk to me. She wouldn't be rude about it obviously, but now I would have to talk to Eleven after everything that had happened between us yesterday. I had to apologize no matter how I felt because it was her first day back and I ignored her. She walks to the table and proceeds to sit on it, whilst swinging her legs and pulling the lose hairs behind her ears. Her eyes wander to her odd socks and she twists her feet in odd directions with no expression placed on her face. I can't help but smile at how adorable she can be, I feel so guilty for treating her that way and not giving her the attention she needed after all the months we were pulled apart. I was only thinking about myself when I should've thought of her.

"Can I sit?" I point to the obvious space next to Eleven on the kitchen table, she nods nervously and shifts to one side and I sit by her side clasping my hands.

"I'm sorry, okay?" I blurt this out before there is any awkward silence between us, I couldn't let her think I wasn't sorry, not Eleven.

"Oh" though her response is short, I can see by the expression on her face, she was shocked I even admitted I was wrong. It's true to say I am a bit stubborn but in this case I had to push my pride away.

"It's just different with Will and- never mind... you probably don't want to hear this." Just as I say this Eleven turns to me with her bold brown eyes and squints to one side.

"How _different?_ "

"Um... well. Different as in we are clos- good friends... that's all"

"so does that make us _different_?" I scratch the back of my head when trying to answer Eleven's innocent question.

"I mean- not so anymore" I turn to her look back at the pink and blue socks she wears. "It's just... I guess I didn't realize how much I missed him- so I was shocked to see him again."

"I guess that makes sense" she smirks a little and looks back up at me. "Did you miss Will as much as me though?" Eleven then pulls my hand into hers and I can't help but smile, though I pull away. I don't want to lead her on or drag her into this mess I've made. I need to talk to Will before I can decide how we should be. After I pull her hand from my grasp Eleven seems confused by this action.

"I-I-I'm sorry Eleven... it-it's just. I don't want to rush anything again"

"Okay" she takes her hand from the table to fiddle with her blue wristband. "but Mike?"

"Yes" she snaps the wristband onto her hand before speaking.

"Why are you calling me Eleven... and not El?" I feel my cheeks start to raise in heat as I realize that since Eleven- EL and I had our fight I had been calling her by her full name, the one she doesn't like.

"What? Oh El I-I'm sorry I haven't been meaning it I swear-"

"It's fine Mikey" she giggles a little. "I missed calling you that" well I didn't miss that, that's for sure.

"Oh haha" I awkwardly laugh at this confession as I hated when she called me that.

"You didn't miss it?"

"No-not really" we both start to laugh and El's head falls onto my shoulder, normally I would rest my head on hers but instead I just look off in another direction. I think she saw this as I feel her slowly rise from this position back to what we were before.

"How was running off with Will yesterday then?"

"WHAT-!" I twist my whole body to look at her, how could she know? About me and Will in the woods? Was she there? Did she make the bang? Did she see us? What if she did I-

"Just that Max said you were scumbags for running off" I wipe the sweat from my forehead and sigh in relief. "And you never even said goodbye..." her puppy dog eyes turn to me.

"Oh well you sorta still didn't want to talk to me so..."

"Well I'm talking now aren't I?" she says this and jumps up out of her spot on the table, twirling around and her hair spirals around her also. She gives me a smirk before falling a bit forward, almost falling and so I jump up also to catch her. El fumbles into my arms and grabs onto my shoulders and I her waist, we both start laughing as I help her up. Our eyes meet and before I can turn away she embraces my cheek and kisses me. I don't know what to do except stand there, I don't kiss her back but I don't push her away either. The last thing I want to do is upset her and so I stand there but eventually turn my head to indicate that I wanted to stop.

"What?" her hand is still on my cheek but she has opened her eyes to look at me obviously not looking at her. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No El i-it's just that... I said we shouldn't" she removes her hand and gets off her tipped toes. El turns away and pulls her hair into a green schrunchie, presumably the one Max gave her before she moved away from Hawkins. I wonder if I've upset her again or if I've crossed the line? But I told her I didn't want to but it seems that every time we wanted a serious conversation, this was the only solution... kiss.

"No you are right" she follows back towards me whilst smiling. "We take it slow" her eyes widen and her eyebrows raise.

"Yes. Take it slow" we both smile and El starts to walk off out the room. "Wait? El? Where are you-"

"To get changed for today, can't go out like this can I?" she gestures to the matching pajamas she is sporting.

"No I guess not" she laughs and before leaving she turns back.

"Oh I think Will just went outside if you want to talk to him still?"

"Um sure thanks El... see you out there in a minute" El finally walks out of my view and without hesitation I chase after Will before he leaves to meet with the others.

I swing their front door open to see Will just getting on his bike.

"Will! WILL!" he sees me and stops himself from getting any further, though I get closer and closer towards him I start to see the frustrated expression on his face. I chase down the path, and see him looking upset.

"Will? What's wrong?" he looks down to his bike to push the stopper down but instead he cuts his leg as he misses it. "Shit Will are you-"

"Okay? No Mike obviously not. Now what is it?" he faces me holding the tears back, I can still see them in his eyes. I try to grab his arm to comfort him as he is shaking but he brushes back. "Don't" Now I realize, he probably saw El kissing me. He probably saw it all.

"Will I don't know what you saw but it isn't what you think..." he clutches the handle of his bike and I reach to grab his hand but again he pulls away before I can and the bike falls between us. I try to catch it and so does Will, we end up clashing and he falls back and walks away leaving it lying there.

"Will!" I drop the bike to run after him as he quickly walks away from me. I catch up and pull his arm so he faces me and I see him staring at me in my eyes. All I want to do is grab him into my arms but I know he will pull away. He can't possibly like me... he doesn't even want to talk about what happened.

"Will please talk to me..."

"About what? Your girlfriend? Because I am sick of hearing about her!" I hear Will's voice breaking as the clarity breaks down. He looks up to me for an answer.

"But Will... me and El-"

"I know! You are perfect for each other! That she took my place in your heart after I left!"

"But Will that's not tru-"

"I should've never come back" he pushes past me to go back to his bike and I chase after him once more.

"Will don't say that ever... you know that I-" he turns to me and I see the tears clog his eyes.

"That you what?" he wipes away the single tear that begins to fall. "Mike. What is there to talk about? You have El. I am happy for you. You have found the one you love. So why confuse me? Why do this to me? Why try to and-" he stops before continuing to wipe the tears from his eyes and I feel myself begin to cry but I hold it back. "It doesn't matter... you don't care and you never will" he then grabs his bike and rides off into the distance, without looking back.

"Will wait! Will!" before I can ride after him I realize that my bike still remains at their cabin and I know by the time I get it, he will be long gone. So, I watch as he disappears. Again.


	9. Reconnecting

It has been a week since I left at Mike at the place I was staying. The past week has just been me and El, exploring Hawkins together, occasionally Max or Dustin would join but the past few days I've stayed alone in my room. All I have been doing is drawing, I have almost run out of crayons I can use. I guess I have been trying to avoid Mike, or what happened between us. I mean, if he really tried to kiss me then why would he kiss El, literally the next day? So, maybe I made it all up in my head which is why I couldn't even speak to him. My hand begins to shake as I color the blue in the sky, I drop the crayon which eventually falls onto the floor.

"Shit" I bang the table and slam my face into the palm of my hands, I sob silently hoping no one in my house can hear me. Right now it is only me, El and my mom in. Jonathan went out with Nancy. I can feel my hands become wet with my tears and I pull myself away from the comfort they bring, that's when the door creaks slightly open.

"Will?" It is El and she looks at me very concerned, as tears are still streaming down my face. I jump up to slam the door so she cannot see me anymore. I slide down the door, curl up and wrap my arms around my legs. So, I start to bawl into my legs and I hear a knock at the door.

"Will? Are you sad?" It is El and she says this is a soft tone but I can barley hold myself up never mind talk to her. I stay as silent as I can when crying so she cannot hear my pain, so that no one can hear my pain. "Well we are all going to the pool if you want to come?" I wipe the tears from my face and calm myself down before answering.

"Ye-es, yeah. I-I'll come" I squint my eyes and feel the tears rushing down once more.

"Okay... I'll get ready" I hear her footsteps fade away as she walks off back to her room presumably. Once I hear she is gone I pull the top of my hair whilst crunching my eyes and letting out everything. I cry knowing no one can hear me, knowing that no one wants to, no one at all. I look up to my ceiling before pulling myself to my feet. I walk to the mirror by the wardrobe and see my eyes puffed in redness and my face engulfed in tears. _What is wrong with me?_ I cannot keep pretending that Winter never happened. Like I didn't cling onto the hug Mike gave me. That I wanted the moment to last forever. Him holding me to last forever. I felt safe. Secure. It felt as if he was meant to hold me, but alas that isn't the case. _It's wrong._ It always has been. The way I feel towards him is wrong. Boys love girls.

After a while of cleaning myself up, I look okay and though I don't feel it I want to see my friends. Especially since I've been avoiding them. Me and El get on my bike and we ride off to meet everyone at the park. Plans had since changed from earlier as some of the party had gone to the pool yesterday.

We arrive and to my surprise I see Mike. He is standing by Lucas.

"El!" Max runs over while saying this and wraps her bestie into a hug. "Thank god you are here cause I can't listen to these boys any longer" they both laugh and Max turns to me "Oh and you too Will"

"Very funny" I mock her in the intent for it to be a joke but I know by my tone it isn't, I am not up for joking right now, I just want to go home. El looks at my still concerned for what happened earlier and she pulls Max off to one side, leaving me with Lucas, Dustin and Mike. They are all is their own circle talking to one and other, but I don't want to engage and so instead I stand alone trying not to burst into tears again. Though I constantly catch Mike's eyes as he looks at me. I then see El run over to the group of boys and grabs Mike's hand. She smiles at him and the four begin to walk off together. But Max isn't with them, instead she comes up to me alone.

"Hey Will? Can we talk" I nod and we start following the rest of the party, but we are far behind them but not far enough that we can't see them. I see the hands of Mike and El swing in the distance, I feel my eyes water but Mike turns to look at me and our eyes meet once more. As this happens Max stops me in my steps and I see Mike vanish before me. "Okay what's going on?" she steps in front of me with her arms folded, stopping me from walking anymore forward.

"Nothing Max" I say very unconvincingly and she recognizes this, one thing about Max is that she calls you out on your bullshit real quick. Nothing get past her, I think that's why Lucas likes her so much, they are a lot a like. She's upfront, honest and trustworthy. Max has always been a great addition to our party.

"Oh really? Cause your face doesn't say that" she pouts her lips

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know just that you slammed the door on Eleven this morning after she saw you crying"

"That was no-othing I didn't mean to- I am sorry?"

"Will. I am not mad at you for that, but I am mad that you haven't been opening up." I look to my shoes as I know what she is saying is true. I haven't been opening up to anyone recently, not after that night with Mike.

"How can I?"

"I don't know Will, try speaking?" As she says this I can almost feel myself begin to cry but I don't register it. It has become so regular that it just happens. "Will I-"

"No it's fine Max... really" I clear the tears from under my eyes before they can continue and max unfolds her arms.

"Come on" she steps out my way and we continue to walk in the direction of the party. "I didn't mean to I just thought you were annoyed at El and-"

"Max I said it is fine, really. You didn't know."

"Oh okay. Do you want to talk about what's been going on?"

"I-I don't even know myself"

"What do you mean?" I stop myself in my tracks to explain my head space to Max.

"When I came back. I thought I wouldn't be confused in myself anymore. But after last week and after seeing them-" I stop to breathe and Max comforts me by rubbing my arm. "I was just so stupid in thinking that it could be something more"

"Something more?"

"More than friends" she moves back away from me

"Wait... are you talking about me?" she points to herself and her face goes bright red.

"No! no never you!" we both begin to laugh and Max stops to punch me in the shoulder and I am confused by this action. "Ow! What was that for?"

"Never huh?" I look at Max a little scared

"Oh no I um- you know what I meant" we both laugh at this and continue to walk up the path. But something stops Max from laughing.

"Never?" she looks at me confused "Oh" then she turns from me to look at the path ahead

"Yeah, OH" I saw with enthusiasm, she is still hanging onto the joke but instead of laughing with me, she stops.

"Sorry I- I must of taken it differently" she scratches her head

"What?"

"Just that... I see the way you look at him and I just thought that- never mind I was wrong"

"Oh um I- I don't know what you are talking about" I scoff into one direction and feel my cheeks burn up.

"Yeah, I see that now"

Did I really make it that obvious between me and Mike? I don't know but maybe? I see Max look at me and smile.

"Well I don't know about you but I hope you find someone, someone who makes you happy"

"Thanks Max, it really means a lot"

"No problem Will, I deal with everyone's problems, you are no exception... usually" we both begin to laugh and Max wraps her arms around me holding me tight, and I hug her back. This shocks me at first and she grabs onto my shirt.

"Thanks" I say softly as she continues to hold me.

"Will, you aren't alone. We will love you no matter what okay?" she pulls away and I stare at her confused. "Okay?" she repeats resting her hands upon my shoulders.

"Okay" I whisper back and she lets go.

"Good, that's what I like to hear" we start to walk again towards the party till we see them again. Lucas and Dustin are running and chasing after each other, as soon as Max sees this she shakes her head and silently laughs at the stupidity of her boyfriend. "Sometimes I wonder why I am still with him you know" we both laugh at this and I turn to see Mike and El cuddling on the grass together. "Hey Will, just come with me instead, we will have tons of fun beating Lucas to death" I smile at her offer and we wander over to Lucas and Dustin.

"Thanks Max" she smiles.

I glance over to the happy couple laying on the grass and though it saddens me, I have to move on accept the truth. He loves El, he always will. But at least I've reconnected with the ones who still care.


	10. Disconnecting

The sweet girl with the hazel hair lays on my shoulder as we stare at the sky above, I can't help but let my mind wander. To wander to what happened last week. If I could've changed what happened I would in a heartbeat. I never wanted to hurt Will again and it seems that's exactly what I've done. Again. El has her eyes shut whilst laying on me. We promised no labels but I'm not sure she knows what that means. I don't want to push her off though because what if I am wrong about my desires. What if trying to kiss Will wasn't what I wanted and that I am just confused, maybe that's why Will has been avoiding me all day, maybe he realized it was a fantasy for him. It's not like he tried to kiss me. He probably never wanted to kiss me. These delusions run through my head and I can feel my breathing speed up. My heart starts to race. This awakens El from her slumber and she looks up to see my eyes shifting in all directions. 

"Mike?" she says this softly and puts her hand on my cheek. "Mike?" I push her hand away and sit up trying to catch my breath.

"Mike? What's wrong?" she sits up with me and puts her hand on my shoulder which I push off also. 

"Stop"

"Stop what?" I can feel my breathing rush once more.

"Just. Stop all of this."

"Mike I don't understand" the tears clog my eyes and I can't stop my whole body from shaking. "Help me understand Mike-"

"I can't!" I turn to her and she is staring back with her beautiful brown eyes. She looks concerned and confused. My tears fall down my face and I wipe them away.

"How?"

"I don't know El I-I-" I force myself up. "I need to breathe" I start to walk away.

"Wait Mike! Mike!" I hear her shouting after me but I am long gone and I sprint till I hit a tree, I just fall to the roots of it. I wrap my arms around me, clawing at my skin and whilst hyperventilating the world around me shifts. Everything is covered in water, everything is clogged and everything is different. I rest my head back onto the tree whilst hearing the screams of my friends. 

"Mike!"

"Mike where are you!"

"Mike this isn't funny!"

"Wheeler where are you!"

I shake my head and scrape my hair almost pulling it out. _I can't breathe. I can't speak. I can't communicate. I can't express how I feel. I can't say no. I can't love. I can't. I just can't._

I have been sitting here for a while now. Just holding my myself and crying but silently. I am still frozen and I still hear my friends screams for me. More frequent now. Except I hear Will this time. Actually I only hear Will. My other friends are still screaming but I can only hear the sound of Will's voice shouting my name.

"Mike!" I can hear his voice and it shakes me up, I look up ahead of myself and just listen to his calls for me.

"Mike please. Talk to me." I close my eyes and a single tear falls down and just as this happens I hear someone approach me.

"Found him!" I turn to see Lucas out of breath shouting back to the others. Once he looks back, I just turn away again and rest back into the position of hugging myself. Lucas approaches me slowly and kneels down to meet me. I look the other way so he doesn't see me cry. So, he doesn't see my shame. I tighten the grip on my back but release it to cradle my face. My eyes sting from the overwhelming smell of the flowers growing near and the tears that pricked from my eyes. My head still spins and my body still shakes. I don't know what Lucas will say but whatever it is cannot me good. 

A cold breeze brushes through my hair as the time passes. Lucas I guess has been trying to find a way to approach this situation. It's not everyday your best friend runs from his ex-girlfriend after having problems with almost kissing his other best friend. So, I guess it's my job to break the ice.

"You don't have to say anything Lucas"

"What?" I turn to look at him.

"Well. I-I-It's just that it seemed you were going to"

"No well I thought you just wanted to sit" he shrugs his shoulders and I let out a cold laugh. I didn't smile when I laughed.

"I mean... that works"

"But if you want to. We can."

"No it's okay" I say unconvincingly. I want to tell him everything on my mind but he won't understand. Won't understand my confusion. 

"Okay Mike. I don't know whats going on... why can't you be honest with me and tell me the truth?" I am shocked to what Lucas is saying. It's not easy as he may thinks. I can't help it if I want something I can't have. Something I _shouldn't_ have. It's _wrong_. He knows it is _wrong_ and so I cannot tell him. I can't tell anyone. Not even Will. 

"It isn't that easy..."

"Well sure it is. I'm not going to judge you." he says this with attitude and this makes me feel guilty. I know Lucas that I shouldn't want what I want but I do and you _will_ judge me for it. 

"But you will"

"Mike no I won't!" he snaps back at me. This refers me to turn to him.

"You will and you can't accept that I don't want to talk! So how could you ever accept me!" I say this and I push myself back and my jaw drops. _What did I just say?_

"What do you mean accept?" 

"No-othing I didn't mean anything"

"Mike"

"I-It's nothing ju-ust leave it." I divert my eye contact away and pull myself to my feet.

"Mike what are you-" I turn to him as he stands up to face me.

"I SAID JUST LEAVE IT!" I storm away from Lucas and walk down the same area in which he came from to see the party standing there waiting for us. I just scan across all of them and see Will at the end, he is the only one not looking at me but instead is avoiding my attempt to connect with him again. Max notices this and looks at Will then looks back at me. 

"Mike? Are you-" before Max finishes I give up my attempt to catch Will's attention and walk past him. He doesn't even look up to see me, he keeps his head down and is silent. I run away from the party to grab my bike. 

"Mike!" I hear Lucas call after me but I am long gone to turn back now. 

I reach where we left our bikes and take mine into my arms. As I begin to ride away I look back to see the whole party staring from a distance, including Will. This time he is looking at me but a concerned look. I just get on my bike and ride. Not looking back again I ride through the town of Hawkins holding back the tears.

I reach my house and burst through my door sprinting to my basement. I go down the stairs knowing what I'll see once I'm down there. I stand in the middle of my basement looking at the drawings. The drawings Will gave me. I kept all of them. Placed them everywhere. Framed them. _What is wrong with me? He could never care about you._ _Mike what is wrong with you?!_ I can feel the tears rush down my face and it angers me. I run to the first drawing which is neatly placed on the wall and tare it down. I tare them all down. Clutching them in my hands and not letting go. I am engulfed in my own tears, uncontrollably breathing, I can't even hear the sound of them being ripped down, the only thing I can hear is Will's voice. It's ringing through my head. _Why can't I get you out my head?_

I fall onto the sofa, with all the drawings still placed in my hand and I look at them one by one. Each time smiling with sadness. _I can't do this anymore_. I take the drawing of us as children, when it was just the two of us and no one else. Not even Lucas or Dustin. Just us. We were five. The drawing though obviously not as good as others has been down here for eleven years. Eleven. I almost forgot about her. If only I could forget about this feeling that easy. _I can't get you out of my mind. What is wrong with me?!_ I take the innocent drawing and rip it down the middle, splitting me and Will apart. As we should be. I cannot believe in these fantasy's anymore. _It's wrong._ So, I do this with each drawing. One by one. Ripping them. Taking them all together and throwing the pile of waste across the room. I wale into the palms of my hands. _Why can't I stop thinking? Will this ever go away?_ Just as I let this out I hear the door creak open and I look up to see Eleven.

"Mike?" I look to see El with a worried expression on her face, I quiver my lip and just cry. She runs over to me and takes my head into her arms. I wrap my arms around her and cry into her arm. I grip onto her shirt, pulling her closer towards me. She doesn't let go and the basement is silent. All that remains are my cries. El caresses my hair and kisses my head. "I'm so sorry Mike" as she says this I pull away, she wipes the tears from my eyes using her thumbs and I smile at her letting out a tight laugh. 

"Thanks" I smile back once more "but what for?" I move to the side so she can sit next to me on the sofa, she does.

"It's my fault you are sad"

"No El. It isn't."

"But we said to take things slow and I didn't listen" I turn to the pretty girl.

"No- well. It-it's just..."

"What" she also turns to look at me.

"I did want to take things slow because... well" I break our eye contact and look at myself playing with my fingers.

"Mike. Friends don't lie"

"I asked to go slow because I- well I am confused..." I can feel the tears rushing back and I hold them.

"Confused?"

"Yes, it-it's when-"

"I know what it means Mike" she snaps back. "But why are you confused?"

"How I feel" I turn to see her reaction but all she does is look forward and scratch her head.

"About me?"

"Yes... well no- I don't know El... everything is so complicated now..."

"Complicated?"

"Yes um it's when-"

"Mike" she looks back towards and I turn to her. She has one eyebrow raised and we both just laugh. But after I feel myself start to cry again, the tears fall down my face onto the sofa below us.

"I-I'm so s-sorry El"

"No." she grabs my hand. "Don't be" I grip her hand tighter and place my other hand on top too.

"I need to tell you something" I squeeze her soft hands "please don't be mad"

"Promise" she puts her other hand on top too.

"But El... a promise means-"

"Promise" she smiles at me and I can feel her hands tighten.

"Okay" I can feel my heart race and my hands begin to shake. The room seems to spin and I can't breathe anymore. _What is wrong with me?_

"Mike?" I start uncontrollably breathing again "Mike it's okay I'm here just say it-"

"I never loved you" the words escaped my mouth and as they do she releases her hands from mine. I can sense a single tear falling down my face but this time El does not pick it up. Instead the room falls into silence.

"What?"

"I-I'm sorry El. I-I- am so s-sorry I-" I break my facade into tears once again. _What is wrong with me?_ She grabs me once again and wraps me up in her warmth, holding me close. 

"It's okay" she cradle's my head.

"Really?"

"Well I hurt but I am happy you didn't lie" I pull away to look at her.

"I promised I would never" we smile at one another.

"But Mike"

"Yes"

"You said to me you were going crazy"

"When did I say that?" my smile drops as I try to remember this event.

"Last year" I shake my head "at the mall"

"Oh that I- um..." I smile but I know the tears are still flooding the view to my eyes.

"Is it cause you love someone else?" my face blushes and I smirk at her. "Oh"

"Yeah, oh" 

"Is it Max?" I snap my head towards her.

"What no! Ew gross" she raises an eyebrow and pouts her lips "no um not gross, I would never do that to Lucas! That's what I meant..." I let out an awkward laugh.

"Well that better be the only reason" she gives me a sly look until she turns away. "Well now I don't know"

"Guess"

"I did Mike!" she sighs "I really don't know..."

"I can give you a hint" she turns her sweet face and nods.

"The person is in our party" I see her eyes wander and I know she's searching for an answer. I don't want to confuse her but this must be confusing.

"But I already said Max and she is the only other girl?" I look down with and frown.

"El..."

"What?" the tears stream down my face.

"I-It's not a-"

"Mike it's okay." she lifts my head up.

"Okay" I avoid her eye contact and let out a sigh. "It's not a girl" 


	11. Before Winter

My heart stops as he brushes past me away from the rest of the party and once I hear his footsteps distance I turn to look at him walking away from us, from me. I turn back to see Lucas running after us as he shouts after Mike. He is out of breath and has a concerned look on his face. Max goes up to Lucas very worried at what just occurred.

"What did you say to him?" he looks up confused at what she is claiming.

"Nothing Max he just-"

"He just what" El interrupts and when she does everyone turns to her except from Max who is looking at me and a wave of realization seems to flood her.

"Shit" the words escape her mouth and she seems the most shocked that she even said them, I blush and turn away from her looking back to where Mike left but he isn't there anymore.

"What?" Dustin says completely baffled as to what is going on much like everyone else.

"What did he say Lucas" Max goes right in Lucas' face and it looks as if she is about to slap him but El comes up behind her and pulls her back.

"Nothing!" he shrugs his shoulders

"Lucas"

"He just said something about me not accepting him and-"

"What" I blurt this out without even thinking, and the whole party turns to me. I can feel my cheeks rise in heat once again and I wonder why Mike would say that. Why would he of all people need to worry about _acceptance_ when he is dating Eleven? Max looks to me once again after the whole party turns from me.

"We need to go after him come on" she starts to run in the same direction and grabs my arm pulling me with her. El is also following her but Lucas and Dustin still remain still. Max notices this and stops. "What the hell are you guys doing?" I look to them but back to Max and she has the most disgusted impression I cannot describe.

"No-othing we are coming" Lucas says quickly chasing after the rest of us, followed by Dustin. We run in Mike's tracks hoping to catch him before he disappears and once we are all almost out of breath we see him. He is just getting on his bike but not before looking back. To my surprise he stares at me and my jaw drops in awe. _I can't help him, I just can't._ So, before I can even react he turns to his bike and rides away. Disappearing. Once again. _Why do I keep losing him? What is wrong with me?_

Max throws her arms up in the air, Mike is already long gone in our view but the party has just been staring at his shadow until it left.

"Well shit you've done it now Lucas" Max says turning back to her boyfriend who is hanging on the end of the line we formed.

"What the hell did I do?"

"Wow you really don't know huh?" she walks out of the line and folds her arms looking at them while Dustin walks back slowly so he isn't caught in the middle.

"No I really don't"

"Do you want me to spell it out for you?"

"Spell what out?" El interrupts and Max turns towards the sweet girls confused expression.

"No El it's-"

"Yeah I'd like it spelled out too. I don't think Lucas has done anything wrong-" Dustin interrupts also and I can feel my blood boil but I cannot speak the words I must.

"Exactly what have I done wrong! Max he just overreacted!" Lucas explains

"Oh like I am overreacting right now then?" she reverts back to him.

"No! That's not what I am saying-"

"It sounds exactly what you are saying" and soon enough the party are all shouting over each other, Lucas defending himself and Max arguing her point. Dustin seems to be confused but still taking Lucas' side and El interrupts every time she does not understand a word. I feel my whole body heat rise and I just want to scream at them all. They don't know what is going through Mike's brain, how he is feeling and all I want to do is go after him. Hold him. Tell him everything is going to be okay. But I can't. _It is wrong. It always will be._ But I need him to know I am here, he needs to know I care and that I always have. My heart races and my head spins as the party gets louder and louder until the shouting becomes louder and I just-

"EVERYONE JUST STOP!" I shout this and the whole party falls into silence, I feel all their eyes on me and my breathing increases. I take a breath before continuing "none of you know what he is going through so just... stop" the tears start trickling down and so I run from the party to hide, to get away. As I run I hear Max shouting back at Lucas and so I know my attempt to stop them failed.

I reach a point in the park as I cannot breath anymore and I sit down on a bench near by trying to catch whats left of my breath. I take out what he gave me. The piece of paper he gave me before I left. I know that this is when he wanted me to open it. Stephan.

When I moved to Maine I had no friends, no one wanted to talk to me because I was the freak boy from the strange town of Hawkins. I was that boy who died but came back from the dead. No one wanted to associate with the boy that only brought bad luck everywhere he went, not a single person. I could only rely on Eleven to be there for me whenever I was home and though our relationship was rocky at the start I couldn't help but smile at her small mistakes and the joy her smile would bring me. Jonathan was always out at college or just out in general. He was having luck with the move, he made tons of new friends and still managed to keep his relationship with Nancy. I envied that about him. He made it look so easy. My mom though heartbroken over all the events in Hawkins made a fresh start for herself, new job, new house and gained a daughter. Regardless of my family's success in their new found hope, I however wasn't so lucky. Though the bullying was less here it didn't mean it wasn't going on. At least it was behind my back though. No one would even approach me. That was until he did.

I was taking my art folder out of my locker to put in my bag when I saw him walking down the hall. He had jet black hair, quaffed like a mullet, matching his black leather jacket, white Bowie top, black jeans and black combat boots. I dropped my folder before me and as I went to pick it up I see the boots in my vision. I look up to see him leaning against the locker in front of me and his piercing blue eyes stare me down which results in me blushing before quickly shoving the folder in my bag.

"Hey" he says. His voice his deep and I feel a shiver go down my spine.

"Um hi..." I say trying hard not to burst into embarrassment.

"Okay red no need to get all shy on me" I blush even harder at this.

"Um red?"

"Your red shorts" I look down to only remember I was wearing red shorts. "They are cute"

"Oh um"

"You are a good artist red. Keep it up" he towers over me and leans past me over looking the top of my hair almost pushing it and shuts my locker. I watch in awe as he walks down the hall.

This would happen a lot with Stephan. Just random times he would appear to talk to me or compliment me. We ended up getting very close and spending a lot of time together but no one would ever know. He would come visit me at the bleachers at lunch as he knew that's where I liked to sketch. Sometimes he wouldn't even speak as to not distract me but just would watch me draw. He really did help me gain my trust in others once again. He cared. About everything and was the first person to take a deep interest in my drawings other than Mike. He would shout "RED" down the hallways just to let me know he still remembered who I was, even if it would destroy his reputation. I admired him so much, until winter break.

I was in the art room finishing up a sketch alone. This wasn't unusual for me to do this, it was a safe place I could go and the teacher would just leave me. I was getting ready to clean up when I heard a knock at the door. I turn to see Stephan leaning on the door and he smiles at me.

"Hey red"

"Hey um... I'm just getting cleaned up if-" he starts to walk towards me and I can sense something is wrong. "What is it?" I smile at him hoping to cheer his expression but it doesn't seem to help.

"Will I-" I am taken back by him calling me by my name, he never did that. "Me and Tanya broke up" Tanya was his on and off girlfriend. They were always cheating on each other and I constantly told Stephan that it wasn't a good idea for the two of them to be together. They would always reunite though. But by his expression it seemed final this time. So, I drop whatever I have in my hands and wrap him up in my arms.

"I'm so sorry" I pull away but he stops me from completely breaking and takes my hand.

"I'm just not sure she's what I want anymore" I am confused by this statement but he gets closer to me and embraces my cheek with his face but before he can do anything I pull away.

"What do you think you are doing?" he seems confused by my action and walks back towards me.

"What?"

"Don't do that"

"Why? I thought you were-"

"And I thought you were into girls" he is taken back by this but just awkwardly laughs.

"Will I am but I can be into boys too it's normal-"

"No it's not!" his face drops and he comes back to me again.

"Will..." but before I he can continue I pick up my stuff and storm out the door. That was the last time I saw him until after the winter holidays. I guess that is why I broke down to Mike at the party. It wasn't like I didn't hate the fact of kissing him it was just I wanted my first kiss to be with someone I knew I could never have. Mike. So, the thought of ruining my only chance of a relationship with someone else, someone who cared for me, broke every bone in my body and so I broke down to Mike.

After the winter break, I never saw Stephan. He wasn't coming into school from what I saw but I kept to my own devices and so I easily could've missed him. But after weeks of him not showing I was sitting at lunch at the bleachers once again and I saw him approaching. I stopped my drawing to see him.

"Hey red" he comes to sit next to me and laughs a little to himself. I just sit there awkwardly not knowing where to put my hands or anything really. "I'm sorry about last time"

"No it's okay" I look up to him trying to convince him.

"I didn't realize that you had feeling for someone else and so I-"

"I'm sorry what?" I interrupt

"Well that is why you pushed me off... right?" I don't answer and instead I look away to the drawing I was working on. It's of me and Mike. I had been drawing him a lot after the Christmas party. How he looked under the Christmas lights and in that cute knitted sweater he's always seem to get in another size. "So that's him right?" I turn to notice Stephan glancing at the drawing and giving me a sly smirk.

"What?" I blush when I am exposed.

"Come on red... you can't lie to me?" he laughs at my complete embarrassment. "So he is the one you are always drawing? Damn and I thought it was me."

"What?" he starts to laugh again and I join in awkwardly.

"Tell me then red, did you start drawing for him?" I try to answer but I don't know the answer myself. "Ahh I see"

"I um well-" he takes my notebook and rips out a page whilst grabbing a pencil.

"Tell me Will... do you like drawing or love drawing?"

"Um I guess I-" he writes something quickly down on the paper he ripped out and folds it placing it in my hand.

"Well once you think you know the answer. Open this." he releases his grasp on my hand and begin to walk. I tighten the grip of the paper in my hand and as I do he turns back. "Oh and red"

"Yeah" I look up

"I'll see you at your art show tomorrow" we smile at one another and he puts his hands back into his leather jacket and walks off into the distance.

When thinking back to what Stephan gave me, I am not sure if I am ready to open this or not but I have to know. As I am about to I see Max walk towards me and so I stop myself.


	12. What Winter Started

The words escape my mouth in the basement of my house and I can't move. I can't turn to look at her reaction to what I've just admitted. To what I, Micheal Wheeler just said. I feel something fall onto my hands on my lap and I look to see a droplet of water. I did not even realize I was crying. So, I pull my hands to face and fill my palms with the the tears that escape me. It's so silent, she hasn't said a word. I can't help but think back to last winter. To when Will needed me outside my house. When he fell into my arms because he thought there was something _wrong_ with him. Seems we may of had a lot more in common than I thought. We always had things in common but I never knew emotionally, at least not like that. I even remember Christmas eve.

The moon was high in the sky and the world around us was dark, in my house everyone was gathered round the television watching The Snowman. We decided on this one because El had never seen it and we thought it was perfect to get her in the Christmas mood. The party were all huddled around the sofa, snuggling into one another. Max and El were sitting next to each other wrapped in a peach quilt covering the both of them. Lucas was sitting beneath Max on the floor and he was sitting with a blue blanket. Dustin was leaning on the side of the couch with his head on the side also wrapped in the blue blanket. Max was sitting playing with Lucas' hair, he didn't mind this but I could tell it bothered him. Eleven was so fixated on the movie and it seemed she was the only one who cared at all. Max was busy with Lucas and Dustin was almost falling asleep. Nancy had fallen asleep on Jonathan's shoulder on the sofa next to us, it was sweet how close they were and how nice Jonathan was to let her lay there. I walked away for just a moment to put away the left over mugs that were filled of hot chocolate and marshmallows. I returned to see the lazy boy, that I was sitting on was now occupied by sleeping Nancy. It seemed Jonathan must have been getting her bed ready and so I went to the sofa they were on to see Dustin was now asleep on it and so my only option was to sit next to Will. He was wrapped all cosy hidden at the front of what was Jonathan and Nancy's sofa. He was alone wrapped in a fluffy white quilt and his hair was brushed up against the sofa. You wouldn't know he was awake he was that warm and snuggly in his blanket. I walked carefully over to where he lay.

"Will?" he turned from the comfort of the cover to look at me. "Is it alright if-"

"Yeah" he shakes himself awake "of course" he moves over making room in the blanket he was snuggling in. We continue watching the movie.

As the movie went on more and more of the party fell asleep, including El. We had all been out all day doing activities to celebrate but I never realized how tired we all were until we all started dropping off like flies. Except from me. I couldn't get what Will had said to me off my mind his whole stay here in Hawkins. Will had also fallen asleep but I never noticed him leaning on my shoulder once he had fallen. I turn to see the sweet boy resting his head as he dreamt. I wish I knew what was going through his mind. What triggered him to break down. I take a part of my blanket and wrap it around him. He snuggles closer into me and I smile. I caress his hair and lean my head into his also. We lay like this for a while and I close my eyes just to feel his warmth around me. It feels so right so have him so close and this feels like it could go on forever. Until I hear Nancy groaning in her sleep which makes me lift my head from Will but I don't shake his head from my shoulder. Nancy squints her eyes and sits up on the sofa looking at her watch.

"Shit" she starts scrambling looking for something and picks up the keys to the car, she has not yet noticed Will and me. "Mike are you awake?" she looks over to me and I just nod trying not to disturb the adorable boy who takes comfort in my warmth. I look back over to him and smile, releasing my hand from his hair. "Oh" Nancy notices Will asleep on my shoulder and so she wanders out the room I assume to find Jonathan. I take this moment to look at Will again. He is fast asleep now and looks contempt. I can't help but wonder what he was going to say that night but whatever it was doesn't seem to bother him anymore. I'm happy it isn't.

Nancy and Jonathan come through the door and start to take each member of the party into there arms, leaving only me, El and Will. After a while Jonathan and Nancy come back from returning each member home and I see Jonathan lift Eleven into his arms to take her to Nancy's bedroom where she would be staying that night. Nancy starts to fold all the blankets and neatly places them on the sofa. She still has not seen Will wrapped tightly in my arms, I don't want her too because then she will take him away. He needs to stay right here where he feels safe. With me.

The lights in the house die out and he is still cuddling me, my head is now resting on his again and my heart is full. I cannot help but smile at everything around us.

"Mike" I hear a whisper and turn, it's Nancy and she is now in her pajamas. She has now obviously noticed us but she isn't saying anything. "Jonathan can take Will to bed now"

"Oh okay" I move from where he rests and Jonathan comes and takes him into his arms. I smile as he leaves with Will to the basement where him and Jonathan are staying for the night. I arise from the comfy position to pass Nancy the blanket we laid in. She folds it neatly and before I leave she turns back to me again.

"Oh and Mike" I look at her smiling "merry christmas"

"Merry Christmas Nance" and then I head upstairs to my room.

When thinking back to this memory it is all clear. I've always cared about Will, I don't think there was ever a time where I didn't and so I pull myself up from crying to wipe my tears away. Enough is enough, I cannot drag her down this hole with me anymore. It isn't healthy for either of us.

"I'm sorry El I-" unable to finish my sentence I turn to her

"Why are you sorry?" her big brown eyes look into mine

"I- well- that I've been lying to you-"

"It's okay Mike, I understand"

"You do?"

"Yes" she pulls her hair behind her ears "you didn't want to tell me because you were scared"

"Yes" I smile and sniffle because she understands why, and she isn't mad at me and though this doesn't cure my ongoing guilt it brings a smile to my face.

"But Mike"

"Yeah El" I look to her confused expression on her face.

"I thought that boys could only like girls, like you and me" she points to us both to get her point across.

"Well that's what it is usually like"

"Usually?" she scratches her head

"Oh yeah usually as in-"

"Mike I know what it means, I have been learning all year remember?"

"You have been?"

"Yeah" she giggles and shakes my shoulders and I laugh along with her. I don't remember when El told me this, I was probably out of it or acting like I wasn't hopelessly into my best friend.

"Well that's really good El, I'm proud of you"

"Thanks but how is it usually?" she returns to that confused expression from before and I try to explain to her that it isn't right for two boys or two girls.

"Well um- it's just... looked down upon I guess."

"Looked down upon?"

"Most people just don't agree with it" I look towards my hands which are still shaking in shock "I guess that's why it has taken me so long to realize how I really feel"

"Oh"

"Yeah oh" there is tension in the air as I can feel El's confusion, she doesn't understand still and even if she did she probably would still not understand my feelings for Will.

"So Mike" I turn to her once more

"Yeah?"

"Who is the boy you like then?" I feel my cheeks start to blush and I begin to giggle a little when just thinking about him. The way he smiles, the way he talks and the way he has always been there. It's always been me and him. I want it to always be us and so I am apprehensive to tell El. What if she thought it was dumb or if it hurt her feelings to know that I cared more for her now step-brother other than her. It would break my bones if she hated me. Though I don't love her it doesn't mean I have never cared for her. She is the sweetest and most innocent girl. If I wasn't... you know the word... I would be head over heels for her. But it doesn't work that way.

"Um he um... guess?"

"Oh I don't know Mike" she rolls her eyes and sighs. I don't want to confuse her anymore.

"Well I don't know if he is gay so-"

"Gay?" she shakes her head in confusion

"Yeah... I guess that's what I am"

"But what does it mean?" I blush even harder at this, she is adorable but do I really have to explain this?

"Well it is when a um- person of the same gender like each other" she scratches her head and begins to smile.

"So am I gay then because I am friends with Max?"

"Oh no! I mean like like, just like how you like me" she has a sudden wave of realization.

"Oh" she looks to me "but that's not bad, if you like someone you should be with them right?" I look to her and tears fill my eyes. I grab her in a hug and squeeze her tight.

"Thank you El" she holds me back.


	13. But Max...

The crumpled ruffed scrapes of the paper wind through my hands and I cling to it trying to decide whether to tare it open to expose the contents but I digress. It fumbles through my hands while a cold draft brushes up the back of my neck which shakes me to look up from my trance. I see Max. She stares with her crystal eyes and a slummed expression. Her steps towards me aren't sudden and are much paced. The draft around me speeds up and I squeeze the paper in my fingers clingy to its every shed. As she inches closer I turn back to the paper and shove it back in my pocket. Hoping that she never saw what I was holding. If she did the questions would come rolling out as to what it was too which Will had no answer for. How could he explain where it came from let alone who gave it to him and what it was about? He didn't know himself but his incline was telling him it had to be something about Mike. Who else could it be about? Stephan knew that he liked someone else and that was the reason he objected to the kiss that faithful night. Sometimes he thinks back and wonders what would have happened if he did kiss him. If he never pulled back and gave into his urges, his wants but he didn't. Why didn't he again? Oh, yeah. It was because he was still head over heels for his best friend, his best friend who he never saw for nearly a year, his best friend who ignored him for a girl, for a girl. I was stupid. I could've had everything I wanted with the gender I wanted. I could've had a boyfriend or at least a first kiss. But that wasn't what I wanted. I wanted- _want_ \- Mike. It's always been Mike and I know this. I've always known it. Every decision and choice I have ever made was for him. For his stupid yet addicting smile that shoots shivers down my spine, the ruffled messy curls of his hair that always clouds his vision, his tall and skinny frame that used to tower over me but doesn't anymore. His jokes, his stubbornness, his overwhelming sense of dependence and the way he wears his heart on his shoulders. Everything about him from good to bad makes me shiver my whole body and just as my mind begins to trail off I see Max's converse in my vision.

After a few minutes of Max just standing there I finally look up to her tangerine locks flowing down and waved by the wind and she just looks at me. No expression is consumed by her face and she tugs at her lime green shorts looking as awkward as I am feeling. She has to know. There is no way she is still oblivious. I mean his confession to her and Mike's breakdown. It was almost too obvious at this point. I trace my back pocket top check if the crumpled paper still remains and a sigh of relief escapes my mouth once I realise that it is still there. It still exists. All of this is happening. Everything that happened actually _happened_. He's still a freak of nature, he is still pending over his best friend, and I am still Will.

She finally releases the grasp from her shorts and lets out a small sigh before deciding what she is going to say, and finally says.

"Will I-" she pulls back once I stare at her and our eyes meet, this time she tugs at her top and takes a breath before continuing. _She knows... she must_. "Sorry that- I am sorry for- um... Lucas"

"Why he didn't do anything to me" she tilts her head and shakes it.

"No- no... I meant that as like-" she looks to the sky searching in the fading daylight for an answer, for a way to continue. "He was just... out of line."

"What I-" and she cuts me off continuing her train of sentences that follow.

"He shouldn't have said those things to Mike. He shouldn't have let him go off or make him upset or just say those things afterwards or made him feel bad for the way he feels about yo-"she grabs her mouth in her hands and cuts off what she was going to say. But I heard it clearly " _He shouldn't have said those things to Mike. He shouldn't have let him go off or make him upset or just say those things afterwards or made him feel bad for the way he feels about you. "_ I feel my whole body turn into jelly and my face uncontrollably blushes at this revelation. What did Max mean? What does Mike feel? Why was he upset?

"Wai- I..." I turn away from her to hide my embarrassment and in my peripheral I see her close her hands over her face and sighs. I can tell she didn't mean to say that, she didn't mean it of course; Mike cannot feel anything towards him and never will. I can feel all the memories rush back to me and Mike as kids. When we would tussle over his basement sofa each playing tug of war over the remote, both arguing which Star Wars movie is the best and never quite deciding who is right or wrong, the disagreements as to what boss they should plant in the campaign, the bike rides through the neighborhood where sometimes they would bump into each other falling into one another's arms, usually Mike falling into Will. He was the clumsiest as kids, honestly he still is. Even when they fought last week they fell into old habits literally, falling into each other. Though I was mad at the time I couldn't help but silently giggle at Mike and my heads colliding. I remember collecting as much candy as we could and throwing it all around Mike's basement, stuffing our faces while watching whatever movie we had on our list left and it was like that for years. Just them. Well Lucas and Dustin too but it was never the same. Their bonds were different than with Mike. With Mike I felt free, I felt safe and secure, like I could just be me. Not just the me I am around my friends but the me that they still haven't seen. He would never judge me or call me names or even hate me, but he has every right too. In Mike's deep chocolate eyes he hoped that night, that night on Halloween that they would never be apart. That Mike really meant it when he said he would go "crazy together" with him but maybe I was naive or just a child but I thought he meant it. I thought those sleepless nights when he would stay by my bed or hospital making sure I was okay was because he... cared. But I was wrong. He always loved El, and always will. I just trace the memory of Mike grabbing my hand to calm me and how good it felt. It felt right. Like we were meant to fit together. Now I must face reality, he will never love me like I do him. I'm not _okay_ but I am okay with that.

The silence is very apparent and the sky is falling. The light is slipping away and Max scoots closer towards me as to ease the tension I suppose. I hear a rattle that shakes me, not exactly sure of what it was but it reminds me of that night. The night Mike and I- well I'm not quite sure what was happening now. All I remember is storming out of Castle Byers after Mike pushes to far yet again and the next thing I know we are so close to one another. I could feel is gentle breath on my lips and not sure of what was going to happen I shut my eyes. I wasn't sure what I was expecting but I was sure Mike was just standing there in confusion waiting to push me away but _he didn't._ Not one bit. If anything he came closer to when our nose graced one another, I peaked a little to see what was happening and his eyes were shut too. His ebony lashes curling into his cheeks covered in those adorable freckles I treasure everyday. Maybe I misinterpreted what happened but before we knew it, something banged in the distance waking us up from the trance. It was awkward yes but it would've been more awkward if I tried to kiss Mike and have been rejected. I wonder what would have occurred if the bang never happened. If nature let us be for a minute or so but it _did_ happen. Maybe it was a sign. 

"He'll be okay Will" Max finally breaks the silence, I look to her and she stands folding her arms delicately. I've never seen this side to Max until today, she can be vulnerable yet bad-ass and I admire that quality in her. She softly smiles at me whilst letting out a hard sigh. "El... she um... went after him" At this revelation my heart sinks and I can feel every bone in my body shatter. _Of course._ They are so _perfect_ together. I can't help but wonder if everything was different, if I wasn't such an asshole as to avoid Mike when he looked to me for comfort that maybe... just maybe... I could've been the one to console him. To ease his mind, to tell him over and over _it's okay, it's going to be okay_ and to hold his hand like he did for him. But that isn't what happened. Mike needs El and El only. Never me. It's never been me. It never will. Max then scratches the back of her head and walks around the bench to sit by me. Her arms rest on her legs as she thinks. I look over at the red head contemplating her every movement, looking like she isn't trying to offend him in every way but she never could. She opens her mouth and looks to begin a sentence but stops herself before latching back onto her legs to think again. "I just-" she stops then starts "It's just when yous..." and stops again "You and um..." and stops. I can see her frustration build up in her face and eventually she slams her hands on her legs. "Alright Will lets just cut the shit here!" 

I am taken back by this and just quietly say "what"

"You and I both know that Mike is the one you like" my heart breaks, shatters, _she does know._ All that can run through by brain is the thought of Max hating him. That Max would tell El her best friend about everything. Word would spread and I wouldn't just be known as all the horrible names from the past but as a... as a...f-freak. The very thought makes everything shiver and shift around me. _She hates me, she hates me, she hates me, she should, she should, everyone should._ My chest pumps up and down, my blood is rushing through my veins and I swear I almost threw up but it's out. I didn't even have to say it... she just _knew._ That is terrifying. If Max noticed anyone can which puts me in danger. I cling to my knees to balance myself hoping I don't collapse and never recover. Max begins again "it's obvious that the two of you care a lot about each other but why-" 

"What?" I cut Max off before she can continue and for the first time in the conversation our eyes are locked and we stay in this position to remain the conversation. 

"Well isn't that why Mike freaked out?" I shake my head but then shrug my shoulders. Max frowns at me and lets out a silent but apparent laugh. "Man, you guys clearly don't know each other that well then"

"What?" she then starts laughing a lot more, I can tell she is holding back as to not startle me but she _is_ still laughing.

"I mean. You have this boy who is obviously in love with you and you think he doesn't care why? Because he doesn't give his girlfriend attention?" she clears her throat "sorry. _Ex_ -girlfriend" the sentence traces Will's mind like his pencil over a newly crafted drawing of his. _Obviously._ There is nothing obvious about what- 

"Max he doesn't care he-" she shoves me and lets out another laugh.

"Will you aren't stupid are you?" I just take one look at her and she just smiles. No laughter. Nothing. Just Max smiling at me like I'm some stupid boy. I look away and I feel all the memories of Mike rushing back. _Obvious._ What was _obvious_? Mike kissing El, Mike missing El, Mike choosing El, Mike- and then it hits me. He never got back with her. Max said _ex-girlfriend._ Then I know I have messed up. 

Moments pass again and I am still thinking, just thinking.

"You know..." Max begins and she starts smiling at the night sky.

"What?" 

"Society sucks"

"Huh?" I scoot back towards her.

"You are being made to think he doesn't care and why? Because some asshole on the TV says it's what... immoral?" I hunch my shoulders. 

"I don't think they are wrong" Max frowns at me and I can see the hurt beneath her eyes. Here it comes, the tears. Not all at once but slowly they fall in the space between us.

"Will" she says softly, her comedic tone rapidly drops and she pulls me so far into a hug. Holding my neck and she whispers. Quietly. "Don't ever think that. Ever" I reach my arms around her, holding her back. The tears clear fast as I her support fills me with undying happiness. She pulls away and wipes the tears from under my eyes which makes me laugh a little. I smile at her which retaliates her to take my hands into hers. "Will Byers. This is just us. Holding hands. That is it. Nothing more. It's no different to me holding Lucas'." She begins to blush "or me holding El's" and then she takes a breath and closes her eyes looking directly at me "or you holding Mike's". This fills me up and I start crying again, but this time it is happy tears. I hold her in a hug once again, it is shorter but I want her to know how much this means to me. How much this, helps.

"Max... thank you" 

"Alright, enough of this" she brightens up again and smirks at me, raising one eyebrow. "So Will..." I am scared of what she will say.

"Yeah...?"

  
"When are you gonna tell him?" I roll my eyes and she pushes me to tease me. Her head rests in her hands.

"Max you know I can't" her expression changes to confused 

"How? Will we just said-"

"No I know but how do I know he feels the same? What if he just pushes me off? Or never speaks to me again or-"

"He won't"

"But he just-"

"He won't Will" she smiles and places her hand on my shoulder shaking me up and down. I laugh at her and then remember the thing sitting in my back pocket. I reach to get it which urges Max to pull her hand away. I take out the damaged and oddly warm paper. "What's that?"

"Stephan he-"

"Who?"

"A friend from home" she nods understandably. "He told me when I was ready to answer that- that I should open this" 

"Well are you ready?" I turn to her and smile

"Honestly? Hell no" 

"Shit Byers" we both laugh and she continues after the laughter "well if you ask me-"

"I don't think I did?" I say sarcastically

"Wow!" she shoves me harder this time and I just laugh "WELL if you DID then I would say open it!" I glance back at her and take the paper into my hands.

Looking at it scrunched up one more time, I take a deep breath and open it. In messy, red pencil I read the words that fill my heart. 

_GO FOR IT!_

I laugh a little at my stupidity, that I would be so scared as to what this might say but I shouldn't of been. It's everything I needed and more.

"I agree" I turn to Max who was obviously peeking at the note. 

"You really think-" she shoots up and offers me her hand

"Lets go get your man."


	14. But Eleven...

_but that's not bad, if you like someone you should be with them right?_

These words ring throughout my dreams all night long. I can't help that my mind wanders to all the darkest outcomes this could bring me. _Was El really right?_ My sleepless night comes to and end when I hear footsteps from upstairs. I am slumped down in my basement sofa all night long, whilst El was in a sleeping bag just next to me. I told her I didn't mind sleeping on the floor but she insisted. Last night after the continuous sobbing for an hour, me and El sat around the TV. We made popcorn for each other and I let her borrow one of my big sweatshirts for the night. It was my idea she stayed since we lost track of time after our long conversation. Once it seemed to be over it was too dark for El to walk back home on her own, since Lucas dropped her off here to see me last night. We snuck the popcorn down to the basement and it was no short of giggling the whole time. At one point El grabbed the popcorn out my hands and ran off with it knowing that my parents don't know about her or her staying the night. She ran through the halls of my house and if it wasn't for my dads loud snoring I am sure everyone would've woken up to the sound of El spilling the popcorn everywhere. We sat around the TV and we continued our antics. I stole the blanket off of El which led to her tackling me. Overall the night was great all things considered. There were times in the night where everything got too much... that me and El play fighting I somehow broke down. It reminded me of when Will and I used to wrestle over the remote or fight over the best Star Wars film. I of course would always be correct but... I'd always let Will win.

El ruffled my hair with the blanket laughing at my idiocy and I felt the tears clog in my eyes... I couldn't breathe again. The world was spinning but not like a dizzy spinning I was experiencing because of flipping over in the fight but an out of body experience. Everything is different now and nothing will ever go back to how it was. El probably hates me though she says she doesn't. I would hate me, I do hate me. Once I hear this voice in the back of my head the mood completely dropped. El noticed this and wrapped me back in a hug. Her chin pressing down on my head and arms locked around my neck. I took hold of her arms and just breathed. Every time this happened El would remind me that everything was _okay._ That there wasn't something wrong with me and that there _isn't_. Though I believed her every time there is still that damn voice that won't go away. After stuffing our faces we retreated to the basement and El almost passed out right away. I contemplated on telling her about- well about Will. But I couldn't. It might change her whole judgement that the boy I liked was... _is..._ my best friend. How would that make her feel? Like I never cared for her? Used her? So, all these thoughts ran my mind till it was burned out. I passed out I suppose... I don't remember even shutting my eyes. I was just starring at the basement sky contemplating... _El... she accepts me... Lucas... will he ever... Max... does she know...Will. Will... goddamn Will._

I scrunch my eyes to see a silent El patiently waiting for me to arise from my slumber or lack there of. I slowly rise and a sharp pain awakens in my neck, caused from laying on a sofa in the most awkward way. Nevertheless I turned up anyways. El with sleepy eyes still managed to crack a smile for me. Her hair is all static, in the dark blue sweatshirt and her legs crossed.

"Morning" she giggles a little.

"Ye-eah morning" I yawn and complete my movement sitting completely straight up. I notice that El seems a little too comfortable, it's not like she has just woken up. "El?"

"Yeah"

"How long have you been awake for?" she smooths her hair down with hands resting on her neck.

"I don't know... a while." The air is uneasy, the scorching heat makes my skin crawl and my stomach grumble. Every time I blink black spots appear everywhere but this isn't unusual. I keep thinking back to that day in the woods. The sunset was as blinding as this heat and... _Will._ Everything just seemed so perfect and so _right._ I just wish that this was all different. That this wasn't so hard to understand and that maybe not so hard to accept. No one will accept me once they know the truth... about me... about Will... about everything. Soon into my trance I realize I've drifted off into that state once again. I look to see El on her feet. This time she has cleaned herself up. "Mike do you have any of my clothes from-"

"Oh yeah... um they should be here somewhere" What El was referring to was the sleepover the whole party had, excluding Will, last week. El and Max were messing about with costumes and accidentally left their clothes behind. I kept forgetting to return them but I guess it was a good thing that I didn't. So, I hand El her folded clothes and she runs to the bathroom to get changed. I however head upstairs to grab my outfit. I hear my mom calling for me but I just ignore to sprint to the top of my stairs, slamming the door shut.

"MIKE!" Nancy calls my name, I guess I woke her up but I have to get changed to take El home before anyone notices that someone stayed the night. I rush to grab whatever set I can see and change. After stumbling many times over my own feet I finally find my balance and rush back downstairs.

Once I reach the basement again, El is all changed. She is wearing a pink and blue jumpsuit. One of the outfits her and Max were messing about with. I'm pretty sure it is Max's but she is ready to go.

"You ready?"

"Huh" she whizzes around to face me.

"I can take you home now... you know before my mom notices you're here"

"Oh but Mike" she has a confused glare on her face. "You forgot didn't you?"

"What?" El punches my shoulder and pushes me down into my sofa.

"You are such a dumbass!" she laughs and sweeps her hair back doing a twirl, smiling at me once again before bursting out into laughter. "We are going out today... remember?"

"Oh yeah! I remember" of course I didn't, I have no idea where we are going but I'm sure it won't add to my ongoing confusion and distrust with my feelings. Funny Mike.

"Well... I just phoned Max and-"

"You what?"

"Well I know her number... so I asked if we could all go out for breakfast"

"Ok..." Everything is going to be okay... I hope. I just can't face Will right now, or anyone really. "Wait so who is going El?"

"Well everyone. Max, Lucas, Dustin and Will!" A gasp escapes my mouth and my heart stops. Though I sorta confessed to El about whatever the hell has been happening with me but... I couldn't tell her about Will. Last night I wanted to confess everything but when El accepted me I- I couldn't risk her taking back her word... so I never told her. I never told her about the night at Castle Byers or our fight about it the next day. That Will ran off because he saw El kissing me... even though I never kissed her back. _I am such an idiot._ I know I should've or at least tried to confess but... I couldn't. The time for revelations is passed now. I can't now blurt out my secret and hope it will go well.

So, I take a breath and a minute to compose myself. El seems stunned by my reaction, maybe she forgot that I said I liked someone in the party. If she has then that's good. But I can't help but think it's a bad thing. Now telling her will be harder.

"So... do you still want to come or" I can see her concern for me and I am thankful for it but she shouldn't have to worry about me. I've been dealing with this for so long and... the thought of dragging El down with me makes everything so much harder. If I say _no_ then she will insist on not going either and just spending the day inside. So, I know my answer... it is simple.

"Yeah! Of course!"

Maybe I sounded a bit too enthusiastic when agreeing to this but now El is on the back of my bike just like last time. We ride through the streets of Hawkins and nostalgia hits me hard. I still remember riding from the bad men, El's small hands clutches around me as her delicate yet powerful force convulsed the van over our heads. It was truly magnificent. It saddens me that El lost that part of herself. She has always put herself before anyone else and I was worried it would burn her out and... I was right. She seems to have adapted to life without her abilities though. I'm sure it was hard to see life through the eyes of the rest of us but I guess it is helping her distance herself from her traumatic past. Not just from the lab but from Hopper too. I want to ask her how she is doing or just give her a tight squeeze and not explain why but that's a conversation for another day. Today is a day I will probably regret for the rest of my life. I am going to talk to Will. I have to. I have to know what is going on between us, if anything is. There has to be... right?

As the rays of a familiar sun brush through my hair, I turn a corner and reach the diner. I see four other bikes next to each other at the side, and so the party is here before us. I let El get off first before placing my bike, not neatly but positioned next to the others. We start to walk up to the diner doors but I suddenly see El stop in her tracks. I look back to see her standing with _that_ look on her face. The look she would always get if she sensed something bad. When she had her powers this wasn't an unusual look but it is certainly strange now knowing she doesn't posses her abilities anymore. I dart back to the diner doors debating to go in or not but instead I go to El.

"El... what's wrong?" She gets a fright at this and starts breathing heavily. "El what happened?" This time my tone is more serious as I see there is something wrong but she just lets out an awkward laugh.

"Nothing I-I" she looks off into the road where we came from. "I thought I felt something but- I don't know it must of been the wind"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah Mike... everything is fine. Really." I nod but I am not entirely convinced, we start to walk again but El pulls me back. _Will we ever get in this diner._

"Mike... it was someone in the party right?"

"Huh?" I try to act oblivious as to what she is talking about hoping she will see this attempt at forgetting about it and move on but this doesn't seem to be the case.

"The boy you like?" I sush her putting my hands over her mouth, once I take them away she mouths _sorry._ I think now I have made it pretty obvious that it is someone in that diner. That someone is waiting for us to come in. To look at me in disgust because he knows. He knows who I am and... that scares me. Will isn't going to judge me but what if he never speaks to me again. Never gives me the chance to show him I can be there for him. That I can be there in the bad times just like I used to. The late nights where the mind flayer would posses his mind. I would hold him in my arms and say _it's going to be okay._ When it wasn't I was there too. I never gave up hope even when everyone else did. I wanted to tell you so many times when we were alone. At the time it wasn't needed or wanted. Once you were cured and El was back. Everything was different _again._ I let you go. I let you fall away from me and we drifted apart. That isn't happening again though. No. I am going to be brave for the first time. I will tell him today. Today is the day.


	15. Sunshine

I look to the clock dangling above the breakfast bar and tap my fingers on the table where me, Max, Lucas and Dustin sit. It's currently 9:23am and the day is already dragging in. I didn't want to come today but Max insisted. She said _don't worry I doubt Mike will even come today_. Though Max was probably right I couldn't ignore the pit in my stomach and overwhelming pressure that something was wrong. I look over across the table to see Lucas and Dustin bickering over something, I am too lazy to even pay attention. We are in a booth near the back of the diner; Dustin sits across from me, then next to him are Lucas, then Max and then me. Max is drinking a tall glass of strawberry milkshake. She didn't order it, no, in fact Lucas bought it for her to make up for their fight yesterday. Though seeing them handheld as we turned up here already made it clear to me that they were over whatever fight they had. Max however would never say no to a free shake and so she took it smugly smiling at me. We haven't spoken about our talk since yesterday, apart from Max telling me Mike won't show up. Everything seems normal... well, it is obvious no one wants to recant what happened but I fear if we do it will only cause more fighting and confusion which I have already done a lot of on my own. I am still taping the table as my heart beats fast. My brain doesn't stop thinking about what happened yesterday with Mike. _Why was he so upset?_ The way he looked at me, with those big brown eyes, filled with tears, the freckles that devoured his face and the light shining across him so delicately. He was broken...and I did nothing. Not only did I do nothing I looked away. I didn't even ask if he was okay. I just. I knew he wasn't which is why I never asked... I guess.

The speed of me tapping my fingers speeds up rapidly as I continue to drift off wondering if Mike will come, if he will ever speak to me again, if he hates me, if he is upset, if he-

"Hey" I shake and turn to see Max looking at me concerned, I nod but look over at the others, they haven't noticed like Max has. In fact they are still bickering. "Will don't worry please" she smiles and gives me a supportive nod. Though I return the smile I still am fixated on the clock. Watching it tick down every second. Every time it does I sink lower in my seat. What is even more infuriating is that I can't see the door. I am facing the other way from it and maybe that's a good thing so I can't spy on that also. As I see the clock about to move to 9:27, I feel a sharp pain in my stomach, not painful but alarming. My skin begins to creep and the world seems to shake. I look to the clock once more _tik tok tik tok_ watching the small hand _tik tok tik tok._ Hair at the back of my neck sticks up and I hear the familiar sounds. The ones I used to hear every night, it scares me, and I am sat rooted in my seat, not able to move. It's like I am experiencing sleep paralysis except this time I am not sleeping, no, I am undeniably wide awake. I shut my eyes as the all too familiar screams flood my brain. I try to block them out, repeatedly mouthing stop under my breath and silently hoping someone will hear my cries. The screams get alarmingly louder and my hands start shaking even more now that the atmosphere has gone cold and oddly quiet. I no longer hear my friends arguing and Max slurping her sweet drink. All I can hear now is the screams. Terrified I don't open my eyes, I cannot, the world around me has vanished and my breathing rapidly picks up. Suddenly, a familiar ding shakes me out of this trance. I see all three members looking at me concerned, Max has both her hands on my shoulders shaking me as Dustin and Lucas had confused expressions plastered on their face,

"Will! Will! What the hell?!" Max says still shaking me to see if I was awake.

"Max I- I think-" just as that Mike and El come up to the booth next to us. _Shit_. Max eases away from me and slips back into her space with now her empty milkshake cup. She shoots a look at Lucas and Dustin daggering them not to bring it up and silently they agree. Still shaken at the whole experience I quickly excuse myself and head to the bathroom, making no eye contact with Mike at all. _I cannot face him right now. Not like this._

I rinse my hands under the burning hot water, drifting off back to what just happened in the booth at 9:27. The water seems to flood my mind yet again with the memories I've wanted and tried to forget now years later. I shake my hands and rub the excess water on the side of my shorts before exiting the bathroom. I leave to see my seat now accompanied by Mike. Dustin and Lucas moved over so Max and El could sit together, leaving me seated beside Mike. I stop in my tracks seeing this, not knowing what to do or react and trying not to make it awkward as now Mike was looking over at me and so I just walk over silently and sit beside him. No one notices my sudden presence as everyone is deep in converse about some prank Max pulled on Lucas that prompts everyone to laugh and Lucas to be embarrassed. I awkwardly laugh at this, trying not to draw attention to the episode I just had and act like nothing actually happened. It seems to be working as no one has brought it up the whole time we wait on someone to take our order.

Throughout or meal I see El glance over at me on top of her chocolate milkshake, she has that look on her face. The one I know all too well but I refuse to let something else upset me. I haven't spoken to Mike once during the whole meal even though we are squeezed almost too tight together. Our knees accidentally touching would jolt us both back and shoot us into an embarrassing state which I successfully tried to hide but Mike wasn't so good at it. Especially at this very moment when I shifted a little in position so I could hear what Dustin had to say and my hand accidentally grazed over Mike's. I tried to act like it never happened and that I wasn't glowing in red but Mike's face quickly lit up which led Lucas to ask "bro what happened? Why are you so red?" this prompted Mike into a state of _uhhhh's_ and _ummm what?_ 's which El quickly changed the subject into what we were going to do later today. We had planned to go to the park but after everything that happened last night... we were thinking it wasn't such a good idea. El suggested going to get ice cream but most of us had already used our savings on the delectable burgers and fries before us. Including a tall milkshake which we all each had, most in different flavors but it seemed we all agreed that vanilla was the best with only Max being the exception now on her third strawberry milkshake. I couldn't help but look at Mike during our meal. We never spoke and maybe he looked at me too but I never noticed any awkward encounters of eye contact; which we usually have.

Now that everyone has more or less finished our meal and we have paid the bill, we start to discuss where to go next since we went off topic talking about Dustin's girlfriend yet again. They somehow are still together even though being apart for so long. Well only a few weeks as he went to visit her before the end of term. They seem to still be going strong which is amazing for them, same with Lucas and Max. They both still have their bickering ways but you can't help but smile when Lucas pecks a quick kiss on Max's cheek or moving that loose strand of hair from her face so she doesn't accidentally eat it. Max seems to light up whenever she's around him although she hides it well every time I see a cute moment I shoot a quick glance raising and eyebrow to which Max rolls her eyes basically telling me to _shut up._ The only couple here that seem to not be all loved up are Mike and El which is super unusual considering they've always been uncomfortably all over each other. But something is different. They still talk and nothing seems to be awkward between them but their atmosphere has shifted. It's hard to put a finger on but something is different, I have to talk to El about it the next chance I get.

"So we still going to the park then?" Lucas states breaking the overloading tension in the atmosphere because no one has discussed what happened yesterday at all.

"Lucas!" Max slaps the top of Lucas' head which makes El and Dustin laugh but neither me nor Mike are laughing. In fact while they all bicker I notice Mike looking at me from the corner of my eye, we catch each other's gaze for just a moment and I see Mike beginning to say something but he stops as the volume begins to lower. I look off trying to hide all the blush that consumes my face _what was he going to say?_

"I don't mind going" El says looking over at Mike who smiles back at her.

"Yeah let's go" Mike's tone is happy but I can still tell something is wrong.

We all walk outside to grab our bikes to get to the park, El had to quickly run to the bathroom but as soon as Mike and I got outside Max rides off quickly with the others saying "we will see you there!" Max of course gave me a wink as she rode off with the rest of them who looked more confused than me. It was a good five or so minutes of me and Mike just awkwardly leaning on our bikes waiting for El. Neither of us has spoken yet and maybe it's my duty to do so but I don't know what to say. The last time we properly talked we fought. I don't want another talk to end in confusion, heartbreak and us both being uncontrollably upset. Tapping my fingers on the handles of my bike I have to be the one to speak, I can't put Mike in that position after what happened yesterday and everyone is clearly waiting for us to talk.

"Mike I-" I start the conversation so abruptly that I cut myself off not releasing that I started talking to begin with. "I-I'm sorry about"

"No it's okay Will" he starts in a really soft volume. It's very soothing to hear his voice again, not when we were shouting or arguing but this Mike. The one that locked eyes with me at Castle Byers, the one that would ask if I was okay any chance he got and the one who took my hand when I needed it. The Mike who has always been there when I needed him the most... but now he needs me.

"It's not okay though... I should've been there for you..."

"But you don't have to be" he moves closer to me and we are facing each other, I'm looking down at my feet trying to find the words to say and I slowly see Mike's feet getting closer.

"You've always been there for me and when you needed me I-" I can feel myself getting a little too emotional which isn't fair because Mike is the one who's upset not me and so I pull my head off to the side trying my hardest not to breakdown into his arms like I've done before. "You probably didn't even need me I- I'm sorry this is so stupid I-" Mike then grabs my hand that was placed on my handle and caresses his thumb over the top. My cheeks have now blown up in redness and I turn to lock eyes with him. He promptly looks down and lets out a dry laugh.

"I'm always gonna need you Will" when he looks back at me and shortly after exchanging smiles we split apart and I scratch the back of my head releasing the tension that was just created. Moments later El walks through the diner doors back outside to meet us. I've had time to calm my cheeks and let out the impossible desires from my brain.

"Hey are we ready or what?"

"Yeah El I'll take you, Mike just go on ahead." He tilts his head at me and looks down.

"You sure?"

"Yeah you gotta catch up with them and let them know we haven't died." He smiles at me before leaving and I'm sure we will catch up later but for now I need to talk to El about what I felt in the diner.

"What was that about?" She has that same look Mike had and I have to just say it.

"El I think I had another episode-"

"From the upside down?" she interrupts as if knowing what I was going to say, _what does she know? Was she having the same experience as me?_

"Yeah how did you..."

"I had a feeling from it before me and Mike went into the diner"

"That's weird cause... that's when I had mine" she scratches her head and trails off into a trance biting her lower lip. "You still don't have your powers though..."

"No but... I felt something"

"What if it-"

"No Will it can't... we got rid of it"

"Yes but what if" Her confused glare is still on-going but she hops on the back of my bike anyway and orders me to go. As we start to ride off I can't help but wonder what happened between her and Mike and so I have to ask. Something must have otherwise why Mike would take my hand when he obviously is in love with El. "El what happened between you and-"

"Mike?"

"Yeah... yes sorry if it's weird to ask."

"No we just... broke up that's all. Will don't worry about the upside down okay? I'm sure it's nothing just... just come to me if anything else happens okay?"

"Okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I know I haven't updated in a while but i am going to try to do weekly updates from now on ;)


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